Tell the cheapskate how you really feel

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/02/2020 (2399 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just wasted a week on a “sunspot” holiday trying to pretend I was enjoying myself. I went with my new boyfriend and we drove each other nuts. We are both shy and really had no one else to talk to while we were away.

We stayed in a dead cheap hotel with no bar or pool that he chose. It was not on the beach by a longshot, and when I was shocked at the location and the room, he just looked under the double bed and said, “Well, at least there’s no bedbugs. Hahaha!”

He was cheap about everything, and took a lot of money home. How do I know that? I peeked in his money belt when he was sleeping the last night. Whenever possible, he let me pick up the bills for meals, drinks and taxis. He’d just wait until it was getting embarrassing for the server, so I’d fork over the money for the whole bill and tip. I didn’t mind for the first half of the week, but by the last day I was boiling mad.

My response was no response in bed.

We got home to Winnipeg, he assumed we’d share a taxi with my stop at the end — and once again he wouldn’t have to pay! But, I’m wise to him now. I took my own cab home from the airport, so relieved not to be breathing the same air as him. He was shocked.

He keeps calling and I say “no thanks” to everything. Should I tell him how I really feel or just freeze him out?

— Disgusted With Tightwad, River Heights

Dear Disgusted: There’s nothing quite like the dishonesty of silence, for making no point at all. So tell him honestly how you felt, as a refreshing change, and go into detail. Tell him how you felt on the long walk to the beach, how unromantic it was staying at the dumpy hotel, and how disgusted you were when he used every opportunity to spend your money, not his.

Then bring up the lack of warmth, laughter and fun. You might tell him how passionless his behaviour on that trip made you feel about him. And then, in for a penny, in for a pound! Invite him to air his complaints about you on the holiday, and listen. He may tell you a few things about yourself you need to hear. Then, at least, it will be a learning experience for both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate my cousins and there are tons of them. Our parents come from a “big, happy farm family” and — like my grandparents — proceeded to breed like rabbits to get their own big happy families.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brothers and sisters, but the cousins fight with us. The boys have even gotten into physical fights resulting in black eyes out at my grandparents’ farm. Why do our parents insist on throwing us together like this?

They say we can only make up our own minds about attending these big get-togethers when we reach the age of 16. That means I have two more years to go before I can quit this Christmas dinner craziness for good. This year I faked being sick to stay home. I heard afterwards it was a madhouse because the adults got drinking and no one was watching the kids.

I attempted New Year’s Day dinner but that was worse, with card games, gambling and loud fights over who was cheating. I ended up refereeing the younger kids in stupid games and it was worse than a working at a daycare.

I don’t want to go to any more of these family get-togethers and told my mother who freaked and said I WILL go at Easter. Easter involves church, too, as we’re Catholic.

Mom says the girl cousins should plan games to keep the kids from fighting. I shouted, “No bloody way!” and she had her hand up to slap my face but I turned and ran.

— Losing My Mind, Southeast of Winnipeg

Dear Losing Your Mind: Get on the phone and band together with a few of the older cousins so you’re more than just a single voice of protest to your mom and aunties with their romanticized ideas about these parties.

Insist the male cousins, and a few of the adult males, start running the games — people who are bigger and have more authority over bratty kids who will be rolling in the Easter mud and slush. You girls can volunteer to help in the kitchen and see if you like it better — not likely with the aunts bossing you, but good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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