Be good sports in dealing with split

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This article was published 10/03/2020 (2328 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I managed to get ourselves on the same sports team, but we broke up after Valentine’s Day and it was bitter for him and heartbreaking for me. It hurts to look at each other.

My question is — who gets to keep their place on the sports team? It’s really too painful to see each other at practices and games, but I love our team as whole, as they are excellent.

I am a better player than my ex is. For the sake of the team, shouldn’t he be the one to back out?

— Can’t Stand It Now! Winnipeg

Dear Can’t Stand It: Since you two managed to get on the same team, and the relationship’s ending has caused a problem, I agree the fairest thing to do for your team is to keep the most valuable player, and that is you. The ex-partner should join a different league.

If he wants to stay in the same league, that’s his choice, but then you two may meet each other on different sides of a game. Then you’ll have to channel your extra energy into “fighting” a good game.

To have both of you quit the original team could be devastating to the team, so show first allegiance to the team which let you join as a couple.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We have ended up in a situation where we are up to our ears in debt and don’t know how we got here. We both graduated form university and got great jobs.

Then we started buying vehicles and stuff with big payments, and bought a house instead of living in our old apartment — and we are paying off furniture for the house as well.

When we went to take a holiday with our friends this winter, we really didn’t have enough without borrowing more and our credit cards are full. We are chained to a big debt that got away from us.

That debt has insinuated itself into our relationship and our bedroom as we lie awake talking about it or thinking about it and have no desire for sex. I actually broke down and had a big cry over this today and had to run to the bathroom at work.

How did this happen? We can’t even afford to have children at this point.

Who can help us? Our parents have no money. That’s why we were so slap-happy when we got our two great jobs.

Now we’re in so much trouble. The house is the worst thing. It’s so big and we don’t even have enough money to properly furnish both floors.

We were happier when we had nothing and were going to school and living in an apartment, driving an old beater and a motorcycle.

— In a Sinkhole, South Winnipeg

Dear Sinkhole: It’s amazing what financially successful older friends will tell you about their own lives and relationships with money, like who they trust and who they don’t, and maybe even how they blew it in the beginning before getting wise. There are also plenty of books that can help too.

Then you need someone to advise you who has no money invested in you — someone outside your family life, and those who financed house and cars. It should be people who have nothing to gain, or lose, by advising you. It’d be good to see two or three different people to hear their ideas for a plan to get you living comfortably again, but without making any fast decisions. Do shop around for some reputable accountants — as accounting has been your weak point. You two are not world-wise yet, so be very careful.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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