Try boring light-fingered lass into leaving

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/03/2020 (2373 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was falling in love with my new girlfriend until I found out she used to do a lot of stealing. You know — pick-pocketing and stealing out of people’s houses at parties. When I got up the nerve to ask her about it, she said she only only stole from the “rich bitches” who wouldn’t miss it anyway.

I’m not rich or a woman, so I guess I don’t qualify for one of her stealing targets, but if she felt negative toward me one day, would I be a target?

I haven’t phoned her in a week, although she has phoned me. I talked to her for a bit, but then make excuses to say goodbye. I guess I need to get rid of her, but she scares me in a way and I don’t know how to do it.

— Dropping Light-fingered New Girlfriend, St. Boniface

Dear Dropping: Bore her to death, and get HER to drop you. When she calls, drone on and on about your favourite video games or sports. When she tries to get together for some sex and affection, tell her you have a lingering cold and haven’t been feeling very sexual for weeks now.

Make yourself as unappealing as possible on Skype, and answer her calls less and less. At some point she’s going to get fed up, and you should agree with her when she complains about you — yes, you’re boring; yes, you’re not feeling well; and, yes, she should go out and have fun with other guys.

Don’t let her come over to talk and walk away with something precious in her pocket — a thief’s trophy!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I got married in the summer and his hygiene has been on the downhill slide since late fall. I was very concerned and mentioned it to one of his sisters who will blab about about anything — anytime, anywhere.

She said, “He always stunk before he met you. He never bothered with deodorant when he was driving a truck alone. As he said, it didn’t matter to anybody.” Then he started showering every day and using deodorant regularly when he met me.

I said, “Well, now our house smells like his BO and he just laughs it off! He doesn’t seem to smell it himself, or else he likes it.” She just said these depressing words: “He’s always been a slob and always will be.”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want sex with him anymore and I’m ready to pack up and leave. Maybe if we lived in two separate houses he’d know he had to clean up to come see me? I still l love him somewhat, but it’s fading as the smell keeps on, and he doesn’t listen to me.

— Barely Existing with a Skunk, Charleswood

Dear Existing: You’re going to have to get tough. When he comes home from work, he has to go straight into the shower before you even greet him. That way he doesn’t stink up the house anymore. It doesn’t take long to fill a room with an odour if it’s that strong.

If he balks at this rule (and this will seem extreme) it’s time to suggest marriage counselling. If he scorns that idea, then you’re going to have to say: “Live with me and love me, or live alone with yourself and the smell.”

Some people attribute losing interest in personal hygiene to depression, and it can sometimes be a sign of that, but you two are newlyweds and it’s a bit early to lose the happy mood that enabled him to clean up, woo you and marry you.

Does he seem depressed in any way? Maybe he just doesn’t like being married. He’s a trucker who has chosen a solitary work life and total independence on the road. Marriage requires a lot of compromise and togetherness. He may be choking on that, just like you’re choking on his odour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I always go out on weekends with my friends and it’s a mixed crew. We dance with each other and there are few couples — mostly just a whole bunch of single friends in an artsy crowd that’s straight, bisexual, gay… whatever. We just love music!

I’m a straight woman, and a bisexual woman asked me to slow dance last weekend as she put her arms around me. I had no choice unless I pushed her away and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. It felt weird to me and I had to excuse myself and run to the bathroom in the middle of the dance. She wasn’t fooled and I hurt her feelings. She’d left by the time I got out of the bathroom.

How do I handle this? She is a very nice woman, but I’m just not into it. I know I embarrassed her in public with rejection in the middle of the dance floor with our friends. What should I do now?

— Feeling Badly, Osborne Village

Dear Feeling Badly: Phone her up and say you’re sorry you hurt her, but tell her you’re straight and couldn’t deal with it. She may have thought you were bi-curious.

Don’t feel too badly. There’s some responsibility on the other woman’s part too. She’d probably never seen you slow dance with a woman before, and she was taking a chance — because she likes you and finds you attractive. Unfortunately, it’s not possible for you to reciprocate physically, so you freaked out in the middle of the dance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.