Nip next-door flirt before things run wild

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/05/2020 (2282 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m sorry to feel the warm weather coming, as it brings my upsetting neighbour outdoors. She spends the spring and summer working in her yard in as few clothes as she can manage (she has a pool in her backyard). My husband is an exceptional gardener and’s she’s won gardening prizes, too, so they became natural friends. But, get this: She talks to him every day, and when it gets hot, she shows up at the wire fence between our yards with drinks and snacks for him — as if she’s his wife.  “Just being neighbourly!” she sings out if I show up to spoil the little party.

I want a six-foot wooden fence desperately, but my husband says he doesn’t want to block the sun from her side. Riiiight, the sun!

Meanwhile, she spies on us from her upstairs windows. As soon as she can get her makeup on, she’s down in whichever yard is adjacent to him, flirting her face off. Why doesn’t my husband just ignore her? Because he likes the action! I chased him down and managed to win him (a confirmed bachelor) and married him in his 40s. I love him like mad.

My husband knows I’m jealous of her and gives me little jabs like, “Guess what Mrs. X was wearing today!” Yes, there’s a Mr. X at her house, but he’s a big drinker and stays in the basement, watching sports. Thank God for that big oaf, or she’d be having my husband over to their house for a “drinkie” — her word. I want to put a stop to this. What do you suggest?

— Jealous With Good Reason, Charleswood

Dear Jealous: Shine a light on her behaviour. Go over to her house and ring the bell. Let her know you have seen what she’s doing and tell her to stop. Until you do, she and your husband get to play this little game — getting their jollies flirting while upsetting you.

Look, you have to know he could have shut her down long ago if he wanted to. Maybe he thinks you owe him since you married a “confirmed bachelor” and tied him down. Tell him you’re going to confront her; the flirting game is over. My guess is he’ll pull back reluctantly, as he doesn’t want all-out war, and will ask you not to go there. But if he sticks up for his gardening “buddy” in a protective way, you may not be as married as you think.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man with many intriguing earrings and piercings almost a year ago — very sexy. We have been in each other’s pockets for the last 10 months, but the relationship has come to a bad, uncomfortable place — a clash of values and personality. This is going to sound very selfish, but I’m a woman who needs sex, preferably every day. If I break up with him during this active virus time, it may be a long time before either he or I can safely search for another partner. Should I stick with him?

— Very Sexual Woman, Fort Rouge

Dear Very Sexual: Would you like an annoying boyfriend (like this guy is to you now) to ask you to stick with him, just to supply him with sex until it’s safe to find a replacement? There’d be more dignity for you in breaking up and using sex toys until it’s a safe time again to look for a new partner. But, in your case, if both of you can dial down the annoyances between you, you might agree to stay together in a relationship until that safe time comes again. Not that it’s ever totally safe when you’re on the hunt! But it will be much less dangerous when the COVID-19 problem is resolved.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old friend at the store recently. We tried to keep six feet away from each other, but then she said, “This is ridiculous. Let’s go out and sit it in my car and talk.” I almost said yes, and then I thought of my family and said no. She said, “I’m not sick and neither are you, so you’re just being silly!” I said, “Maybe so,” and walked away. Then I remembered why we had stopped being close friends — because she had a way of bullying me into doing things she wanted to do by calling me “silly,” like I was a child. But now we won’t be friends again, because she was obviously annoyed that I suspected her of carrying coronavirus. Should I phone her and explain or apologize?

— Feeling “Silly,” St. Vital

Dear Feeling Silly: She’s up to her old intimidating tactics! Just let her drift away, and you should do the same. When you run into an old love or an old friend, and in the first exchange one of the things that made you pull away happens again, it’s a loud, blaring alarm telling you to run away. Nothing has changed, including your initial attraction to that person’s friendship or the annoying thing that kept you away — the ridiculing to get her own way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography