Give dirty dialing a try, what’s there to lose?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/05/2020 (2025 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a sweet, single man online, and we have since talked over the phone about a dozen nights in a row. He has a low, musical voice (being a musician) and has a beautiful soul, but he wants phone sex along with the friendship.

OK, I’ve done some research on this guy, who gave me his full name and address, and I found out quite a bit about him. He’s the kind of man that’s attractive to me — well-educated, well-liked, lots of friends. I’m not a prude, and not against doing this. I just wonder, how many other women is he stringing along for phone sex?

I may not even get to see him after this virus is over, but it could be a lot of fun. I’m just used to being the only girlfriend in a guy’s life. I have my pride. (Smile!) Then again, I am so bored at being cooped up, I’m ready to jump off the second step! What do you think?

— Intrigued But Cautious, Fort Garry

Dear Cautious: What do you have to lose if you play with him, over the phone? Do you think you’d lose your head, your heart, his respect or your self-respect? Or maybe just your inhibitions and your loneliness? Could be a good combo!

If he becomes a fun and sexy friend, maybe this turns out to be a safe, entertaining way to get through being cooped up at home and you’ll do it with no harm on either side. You could gain a fiery phone-sex talent for life, something you can bring out again and use when far away from a beloved man on a trip. Or, just maybe, you’ll end up together with your phone-sex man!

As for worrying there might be others, that will only matter if you become emotionally attached. At this point, that doesn’t seem to be the case. A warning if you do indulge: Resist the temptation to tell your girlfriends, as it would make wonderful gossip.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is about the man who called himself “Cooking for Myself and Sleeping Alone.” His wife told him — since he’s doing nothing around the house — he had to help with the cooking. (Readers, this man served up a couple boxes of macaroni and cheese. — Miss. L.) I’m surprised you didn’t ask if he did laundry, grocery shopping or house cleaning. There’s more to running a household than just cooking.

— Surprised at Oversight, Winnipeg

Dear Surprised: This husband has been a lazy, spoiled partner. Cooking was the first test, which he failed on purpose — one dish, and he wouldn’t crack a cookbook after that.

If he can’t get back into the good graces of his indulgent wife and the warm marital bed, I’m sure he’ll offer himself for laundry (an easy task) or go for groceries. If he opts for the later, he’ll soon discover the delights of grocery delivery — put up your feet, wait for the groceries, clean them off and put them away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have problems dealing with my crazy, old neighbour who lives next to me, and yells over from her yard. We weren’t friends before the virus, and I don’t want to be friends now. I just want to sit on my back deck and be outside in peace, reading my book. I don’t drive, so I like to get some sunlight.

She’s kind of deaf and keeps leaning over the fence and calling out to me across my big yard. I refuse to get up and go closer, and just wave back sometimes. My husband says I’m being mean, but I don’t see him on the back deck being neighbourly to her. He stands there barbecuing with his back to her. Do I owe a neighbour anything because of the coronavirus?

— Not Her Relative, Transcona

Dear Not Her Relative: Yes, actually you do, madame. Your attitude has no place in a city and country that’s undergoing a pandemic. She’s an older lady and she’s partially deaf. You could be civil. At least walk over and take her phone number (and perhaps that of a close relative) and give her yours. Check up on her once a week to see it she’s OK. If she calls from the fence, at least walk over (maintaining two metres of social distancing) and see if she needs help. Maybe she’s lonely and just needs a kind word, and it wouldn’t kill your husband to ask her if she needs anything when he’s out in the car.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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