Tracking husband’s mileage isn’t end of the road

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/05/2020 (2321 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in regard to the letter from “Going Crazy,” whose husband takes three-hour “drives” after dinner — and she suspects him of having an affair.

An easier way to check things out, rather than following him, is to make notes of the odometer reading. Total distance, divided by two, will give her the distance to the girlfriend, if there is one.

If these drives are legitimate, three hours, times an average 20-30 kilometres per hour, means he should be putting on a good 60-90 km every time he goes out. But I suspect his drive will be only 10-20 km, maximum, if there’s a girl 10 km, or less, from home. — The Easy Way, Winnipeg

Dear Easy Way: This could be the start of finding out the truth, but that would require hubby to confess to seeing a woman (or a man), or a place where he goes to gamble and/or drink, or do whatever he’s hiding.

He’s not likely to confess over an odometer reading, nor is he likely to go there again soon, if called on it.

So, if the odometer says he’s not far away and not taking long car rides, the second step is not to demand he confess, but to have someone follow him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I rediscovered I love painting and I particularly love sketching nudes, as I did back in university. I had my husband pose for me recently, so I’d once again get the musculature right for a man.

Now I want to sketch a few nude women when life gets social and safe again. But my husband says he won’t let me do it, since I had a lesbian relationship back in college. He said, “I don’t want complications in our marriage if we’re going to have kids in the near future.”

I said, “Are you distrusting me and threatening me?” He said, “No, I just want our marriage to be rock solid IF we’re going to have kids together.”

My mouth fell open. In effect, he’s saying he won’t have babies with me if I have women pose in the nude for my art. How ridiculous!

I don’t know what to say to the fool! We’re barely talking. Please help. — Refuse to be Threatened, Downtown

Dear Refused: Fear is the enemy here. He’s scared you will be attracted to one of these women posing in the nude, and that he will lose you.

Part of the purpose of marriage vows is to protect the relationship from harm, particularly to protect you both from the pain of infidelity.

On the other hand, “obeying” is no longer part of the deal in most marriage vows. Forbidding you to paint nudes of live women is going too far — as is threatening to deprive you of children.

You two need marriage counselling now. Try to get the best counsellor possible for some emergency phone appointments to work this big problem out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend of one year is so hot-looking I can’t believe he wants to be with me — an ordinary-looking girl, with long hair and long legs, but nothing really special.

I tell him this all the time, and he keeps soothing my feelings and telling me how good I look to him. Someday, I was hoping to believe him — but for some reason he seems to be slipping away from me.

My best friend had a few words with me recently. She knows I’m jealous of any woman who even talks to him. She’d had a few drinks and told me I’ll soon drive him into the arms of a gorgeous woman, who isn’t so insecure.

She said, “Stop begging the poor guy for compliments!” I told her, “You’re drunk, so shut up!”

Now we’re not friends anymore. All I do is think… could she be right? Please help, ASAP. — Worried Sick, Wolseley

Dear Worried Sick: Imagine you were going out with a guy you found attractive, but he didn’t think he was, and kept begging for you to reassure him, give him compliments and tell him you were NOT too beautiful, to stay with him.

After a while that would get tired, and you’d start to wonder if your insecure partner could be right — that he wasn’t good enough for you.

In your situation, it makes sense to let this guy go, since he’s already drifting. Next time, look for a great guy who’s attractive enough, but not a hot-looking babe who will bring out your insecurity again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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