Love yourself and plot to leave nest

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/05/2020 (2274 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve always wanted my mother’s love, but she loves the other kids in the family — not me. She’s OK to me, but it’s clear she is not overly fond of my face. The other kids look like her and get a lot more hugs and attention. I don’t know who I look like. She got pregnant with me as a teenager. Her boyfriend married somebody else years later. I know his first and last name. He still lives around my mom’s Manitoba hometown. I’ve never seen him in person, just an old picture or two.

Mom’s husband — not my father — likes me way too much and tries to put his arm around me or does other affectionate things. Blech! My mother hates that, and so do I. She takes it out on me. I’m supposed to be working in the city this summer, and never want to go back home to live.

I would like to meet my biological father this summer, and I know he lives in southern Manitoba. I look a lot like him and that’s what bothers my mom. She claims he ruined her reputation and her young life by getting her pregnant. As if she didn’t take part in that process!

He went up north and had nothing to do with her, but came back to their town five years later. She lived in Winnipeg by then. I appreciate it was a struggle for her and maybe I should be glad she didn’t give me up for adoption. But maybe that would have been a much better deal — two parents who couldn’t have a baby and wanted me desperately.

I have had high marks in Grade 12, and I want to look at what I can do with my own life. I hope to find some work and go to university, as I have a secret medical goal. Do you have any tips for me?

— Flying the Coop Soon, Manitoba

Dear Flying the Coop: Look in the mirror often and say to yourself, “I love you — always will — and I’m going to take care of you really well.” I know that sounds silly, but it’s a great practice for young women coming into their own.

Use the next few months to research sources of money, such as scholarships, bursaries and student loans. Once COVID-19 restrictions have passed, consider looking for a job near one of the colleges or universities you want to be going as a student. It could simplify your life in many ways besides just transportation.

Talk to your high school advisers, as soon as you can, about university in the fall or more likely next year. Share your career dream with a teacher or adviser you trust and make a tentative long-term plan to achieve it. You may need some time to get money together, but a step-by-step plan will keep you on track.

If your mother offers you a gift of money, ask if it’s a gift. Don’t take it if it’s money doled out to you monthly, and you have to dance on her string to keep getting it. And don’t take it on the condition you live at home, with her husband nearby. You need to be out of there and away from her coldness, which harms your self-esteem, and the creepy physical interest of her husband.

As for your biological father, you’ve probably done all you can via computer. When you’re free to travel, you need to go with a friend — male or female — to the place where your bio-dad lives. Don’t expect anything. Just go out of curiosity and get it done, so you can get on with other things.

Meeting your bio-dad could be good, could be bad, could be boring. Bring a list of questions, and ask them all. You may or may not form a relationship. At least get your questions all answered in one visit, just in case. Note: Be sure to ask if there are any genetic conditions on his side of the family to watch out for.

Best of luck as you get your wings beating and start to fly. Please write back to let me know how it goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is really embarrassing! I got drunk with my sister and wrote an anonymous love note to this gorgeous guy I really like, and had only one date with. I left it under his windshield wiper at 2 a.m.

I sobered up by morning, and raced back the next morning to try to get it back before he read it, but I was too late! I have not heard one word from him. But this city is so $%#& small! Today, a guy at work, who is like my pal, told me his buddy got a love letter from some girl under his wiper, and thinks some chick might be stalking him.

I don’t want anybody afraid I’m stalking them. Should I confess to my buddy and have him tell his friend he’s safe? I feel like such a fool.

— Too Many Drinkies, Osborne Village

Dear Drinkies: Sure, why not, and also confess you had too many drinks with a friend, and you have a little crush. Tell your pal to let this guy know you feel like an idiot, and will never bother him again. Either this guy will heave a sigh of relief, or he’ll call you for another date!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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