Wedding kiss-and-tell opened real can of worms

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This article was published 05/07/2020 (2280 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been married to the same woman for 17 years and I thought nothing could shake the foundation of our marriage. Yet, in a drunken moment recently, while celebrating our anniversary of all things, I confessed something.

I had a little “crush” on the maid of honour at our wedding — the gorgeous girlfriend of hers, who’d flown into town. I told her that in a back hallway at the church the girl gave me a “congratulatory wedding kiss” on the mouth for several minutes. She said it was “for having landed her best friend, and a perfect 10!”

My wife questioned me further, and I was drunk enough to confess, “I kissed her back. What could I do?” She hit the roof! She asked me which woman I was really looking at, when the bridal party was coming down the aisle, and I said, “YOU, of course!” My wife said, “I’d bet anything you were looking at HER! You are such a creep!”

Needless to say, things have not been going well since. I should never have told that secret, but for a split second I felt good that I was no longer carrying it. I thought we had an airtight marriage, had become the deepest of friends and we could say anything now. So, what now?

— Dumb Husband, Fort Garry

Dear Dumb: Obviously, to you the kiss seemed harmless and happened so long ago you were safe to bring it out. Here’s the bad news: No woman gets to the point where she can handle hearing the kind of news you blurted out about her wedding. Some secrets are never meant to be told, even if you live to be 110!

You’re not a safe drinker because you don’t listen to the censor in your brain. If you were sober, you wouldn’t have gambled on spoiling your wife’s memory of her wedding day, and her trust in you!

Then there’s the traitorous best friend — the maid of dishonour.

Face the facts! If you were not into that long, passionate kiss yourself, you would have outed the “friend” to your wife a few weeks after the honeymoon so she could face down that jealous traitor, and cut her off as a friend. Be prepared for the chain reaction coming: Your wife will be calling that “friend,” and that pal will be calling you.

It’s time to take your marriage to a relationship counsellor or psychologist who sees couples, because telling that explosive little secret has caused some major wounds, and they aren’t going to go away without professional help.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found out a job I thought I had landed on my own skill and education was actually a return favour to my dad from a friend of his, who is a silent partner in the company.

I don’t think I could have kept this job if I hadn’t turned out to be such a good employee, but still I feel disappointed I wasn’t given the job solely because I was the best candidate.

I tried to talk it over with my dad and started yelling. He got mad and said, “Well, what do you want me to do now — ask them to fire you?”

I screamed back, “I want nothing ever again from you!” meaning nothing to do with paving the way for me in my career. I got in my car and took off to my apartment. My mom says my dad took it to mean I wanted him out of my life. Now it is a much bigger problem than it started out being.

What can I do to straighten this out? I’m afraid if I talk to him again I’ll end up crying more and accusing him, and it’ll only get worse. Please help.

— Want My Dad Back, Winnipeg

Dear Want Dad Back: Consider writing an old-fashioned letter — not an email, not a typed letter, but a hand-written letter, sent in a card. That’s much more personal and loving.

Explain how disappointed you felt when you found out you didn’t win that job on your own skills, but explain that you have calmed down and understand he was just trying to help. Tell your dad you don’t want him out of your life, and you are worried that is what he must be thinking, since there has been a big silence on his part.

Tell him you still love him and want to be close friends again, for life. That should end the standoff. But, if you don’t hear back after a few days, phone him and say, “Hi, dad. Did you get my letter? Are we OK now?” He’s probably been feeling very hurt and embarrassed, just as you were, but it’s time to let go of that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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