Digging up past passions just not worth it

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/07/2020 (2279 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Up at the lake under the influence of some strong booze, my wife decided we should tell each other the exact truth, whether we like it or not, and open up our private fantasy lives to each other.

My wife started by telling me she sometimes fantasizes about her high school boyfriend when we are making love. Last night, after she went out, I found her yearbooks and looked him up. Not the pimply-faced moron I had envisioned. No, he was a pumped-up wrestler, with clear skin and thick blond hair.

I am the opposite. She tells me my inventive brain turns her on. Then, why was she fantasizing about this Adonis when she’s supposedly turned on by brainy me now? I decided to look further online and found him as he is now — big salesman type, still has a full head of hair and big teeth, if you ask me. If I was a woman, I guess I’d think he was kind of hot — except for the teeth. So how does that make me feel? Insecure and stupid for getting into this competition!

My wife decided to even things up and asked me who I fantasized about from way-back-when. I remembered my high school crush and two years of torture. My wife laughingly asked to see her “big competition” and I showed her the girl’s pretty signed picture in my yearbook. She went very quiet. “I know this woman,” she said. “I don’t like her.”

It turns out my fantasy girl works on another floor of my wife’s workplace, and on occasion they have competed for the same projects. That conversation lost its fizz, real fast.

I don’t know why we thought opening up past attractions and crushes would do anything for our present lives with the people we love. The reason I’m writing is to tell people not to do it. It doesn’t make you feel more attracted to each other. It just makes you feel awkward, older and insecure. Why did we do it?

— Married Moron, St. Boniface

Dear Moron: “Comparisons are odious” is the old saying. Now your wife will look at the woman from your past at her work and imagine what? Perhaps you in the act with her!

Now you’ll start making love with your wife and imagine she is picturing blond Adonis instead of you. This foolishness will fade in time, but you’ve learned something important. Neither of these scenarios works as a turn-on now they have been opened up and examined.

The reality is none of you four people are the same as you were in high school. Your personalities have developed, you have different educations and work experiences, and have had different partners and marriage experiences. The way-back pictures in your mind belong to another time and place, but they threaten your partners’ confidence in the present time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This lady and I met on a trip two years ago and have been writing and visiting each other since. Now we can’t see each other because of flying restrictions.

Last night she phoned crying because she wanted to see me in the flesh. It’s not possible yet between our two countries! She hinted maybe we should break it off and find lovers closer to home. I pointed out that’s pretty hard to do, given all the restrictions, so maybe we should just wait it out.

I am having second thoughts about this long-distance lover. What do you think?

— Not Impressed, Winnipeg

Dear Not Impressed: Some people are getting weary and impatient to live the privileged lifestyles they had before. Immature adults of all ages are having to sit back and not get what they want when they want it, unless they want to endanger themselves or others.

If not being able to fly freely between countries is a such a big bother for this woman that she’s going to have to dump you and go local, don’t fight it. She’s acting entitled, and we all need as many people with real character as we can get in our lives right now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography