Marriage in need of more than a little cleanup

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/08/2020 (1892 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I decided I’d better do some deep-cleaning after my wife told me what a turn-off I was. She yelled at me that I was “a disgusting slob.” She’d just taken off in her car for the second time in two weeks. OK, I’m a pig, but I do love her to the moon — and she knows it! By the way the kitchen door slammed, I knew in my stomach I was in serious trouble this time.

I decided to power clean our bedroom while she was away. I even turned over the mattress to vacuum. Big mistake. Under the mattress was a letter from a guy (assuming by the scrawl on the envelope). It was dated a month before our wedding two years ago.

The guy pleaded with her, told her he still loved her, always would, and she just needed to say the word and he’d rescue her from the marriage “any day, any year, anywhere.”

When she got home, I handed her the letter and gave her a chance, saying, “Tear it up!” To my surprise, she said, “No. I think I may need it!” She threw a few things in a bag, grabbed her purse and ran out to her car. She’s been at her ignorant mother’s house ever since. The old witch won’t let me talk to her daughter.

I don’t know what to do. I’m sick to my stomach and can’t even go to work. Please help! I love her like crazy. Why did she even marry me if she had a backup plan?

— Not the Love of her Life? Fort Garry

Dear Not the Love of her Life: It’s interesting she married you, and not him. Two years ago she thought you were the better choice. Could it be he treated her badly at one time and she dumped him, and you were the next guy to come along? His letter sounded like the kind of thing a guy says when he’s blown it big time (like cheating) and he’d do anything to make it up. What do you know of her past loves?

Look, there still may be hope. See a psychologist who deals with couples as well as individuals, or talk to relationship counsellor — by phone if necessary. You should first go on your own and spill it all out. After that emergency session, you might ask your wife to join you.

Just ask for one session, as it will improve your chances of a ‘yes’ answer. Note: Both of you should go in your own cars as these things can turn out well or be a complete disaster.

If she really wants to be with this guy, let her go and stop fighting it. If you get back together, you have to know she really wants to be with you and is not just relenting for now.

You should also learn from this. Hire a housecleaning service, since you are a natural slob, as she pointed out so dramatically. Most women don’t want to live in a mess, with an overgrown kid.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so messed up. I’ve dated this woman starting online and really like her. We have had two “live” dates keeping our distance, but she is so hot, now I just have to be with her all the way — if you know what I mean.

I dream about her all night and fantasize about her when I’m supposed to be working in the daytime. I’m a walking wreck from wanting her. In normal life I would have had her in bed by the third date. She seems in no hurry, and doesn’t even hold my hand! Maybe she’s a closet lesbian.

Why doesn’t she want me, too? I’m a good-looking guy. I’m tempted to tell her to forget it, if it’s not going to progress. Help!

— Going Nuts, St. James

Dear Going Nuts: Your eagerness to get her into bed will make her think you’re the kind of guy who does this with every woman he meets, and by your own admission, you are that guy! You’re certainly not a careful COVID-19-avoidant kind of man. At date No. 3, you’re still ready to jump in the sack, just like in the old days before the virus.

So, it seems, you’re not a pair. She isn’t eager and devil-may-care. It’s probably too early to be in a bubble together if you wanted to get serious. Sometimes you have to know when to give up — and you might as well do it. She’s probably going to find you a pest and punt you very soon anyway.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.