Don’t leave relationship stuck at lukewarm setting

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This article was published 03/09/2020 (2220 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A female friend and I started getting together and we used to chat all the time on Messenger and other apps. But as soon as we started hooking up sexually, it seems like she is responding to me way less, and, oddly enough, it feels like we are cooling off. 

She still wants to get together around once a week, but I want more! I also don’t want to push it and scare her away. What should I do? — Hot or Cold, South End

Dear Hot or Cold: It’s time for a frank talk about your relationship, which seems stuck at lukewarm. Nobody wants to be kept on the line just so the other person can say they “have somebody” in their life.

You’re looking for a spark that fans into a relationship, but she may not be. Once a week sounds like friends with benefits. Ask her for an honest readout!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My identical twin brother recently kissed my girlfriend “as a joke.” But I know he’s lying his face off. I feel bad for my sweetie, as he was wearing my baseball cap and she thought it was me.

I was furious about it when she told me with tears in her eyes. She said she felt violated in some way because my jerk brother has joked around in front of other people we know about trading partners on dates (which we foolishly did ONCE in our teens). I was ashamed of that and he was proud.

He’s been acting like the stolen kiss was super-funny and is telling everyone. So I’m mad about two things: the fact he did it, and the fact he won’t shut up about it.

How do I get through to him and get him to apologize to her? We are in in our early 30s, by the way, so this type of behaviour can’t be excused as youthful stupidity. — Two Brothers, Two Problems, Winnipeg

Dear Two Problems: Phone him up and tell him your girlfriend is deeply upset about his dirty trick, and insist he apologize to her. Then hand her the phone and put it on speaker, so you can both hear.

If he starts offloading some of the blame on her, tell him he blew it big-time.

Before you hang up, insist he stop telling people about it, and tell him you’ll talk to him later, because he’s not off the hook until he makes this right.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman of 24, who finally has a nice body. I recently lost a lot of weight and people are starting to compliment me on it.

While it feels nice, I can’t help but feel some anger towards these same people (who share the same workplace) and spent years acting like I didn’t exist as a dateable woman, and I couldn’t possibly have anything really interesting to say.

I was always an interesting person, with lots going on in my life! But now that I have a slim waist, a number of people I knew before are suddenly interested, and it feels so shallow. What do you think? — Slim Waist, Grim Face, North End

Dear Slim Waist: People who compliment others on losing weight generally mean it sincerely, because everyone knows how hard it is. They don’t realize you might take their praise to mean, “I remember you used to be fat and now that you’re slim you’re more appealing.”

But I take your point. You aren’t going to miss those who didn’t talk with you before you lost weight.

Also, new people won’t remind you how you used to look. They don’t know. How about expanding your horizons a little as your confidence grows?

Keep the people who were good to you when you were bigger, and distance yourself from those who turned their backs.

You might get into some new COVID- friendly outdoor sports activities that interest you this fall to meet more people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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