Outmanoeuvre brother-in-law on impromptu child care

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This article was published 09/09/2020 (2214 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m super annoyed with my brother-in-law who all summer dumped his kids at my place a couple of times a week when he was supposed to be doing the child care.

I never did that to him with my children, because he can barely take care of his own. These are pre-school children, and they need a lot.

Here’s the situation: He and my sister work opposite shifts and then have weekends off together. My husband works out of the house and I do part-time work from home, after the kids are in bed.

I want my kids to know and love their cousins, but I don’t like my brother-in-law for off-loading his children on me. I don’t know where he goes. He never explains, but it isn’t to work.

He just drops by and says, “Could you help us out by looking after the kids for a few hours?” and his kids are already taking off their jackets. My children are delighted, and I cave.

I do think it’s suspicious he never says where he’s going. Could he have some morning delight lined up somewhere? He’s one good-looking guy.

I don’t want to make enemies within the family, but I’m tired of being used! My sister would take big offence if he tells her I start refusing to take her kids when he’s on duty. She worships the ground he walks on. (I don’t.) — Getting Used, Got My Suspicions, North End

Dear Used and Suspicious: The most annoying part is he doesn’t tell you what he needs the time for — and he’s cocky enough he doesn’t ask permission. He just brings them to the door, and your kids see playmates. Yippee!

To out-manipulate this guy you have to announce to your sister a change in your work habits. Now that summer’s over, you’re going to start doing more work during the day, and simply can’t manage looking after extra kids — except easy days. He’ll need to phone the night before to ask. Then, you’ll have to hold that line when he tries to drop them off unannounced again — and he might.

The first time it happens, you say: “Didn’t your sister tell you? I’m doing work in the daytime too now, so I have my hands full with my own kids. Sometimes I have easy days. Call the night before if you want to ask about babysitting.”

Then, give him a big smile and say, “Bye-bye! Hope you and the kids have a nice day.” You don’t want to make this a family fight.

As for whether he has something clandestine going on, your sister knows from her little kids, who blab freely, where they have been that day. It’s up to her to ask where he goes when he drops them off, or she may wish to look the other way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m responding to the university-educated woman who works an office job, and has a blue-collar partner. This lady needs to make sure her man’s pride in his physical work doesn’t mean he looks down on her or others.

My first husband was an automotive mechanic, and I loved that he worked with his hands at a physical job. But I was young and dumb and didn’t see his nasty side in time.

He openly mocked anyone, but especially men, who worked any sort of office job. My ex even used to brag that he had more years of education than a medical doctor… really!

I ended up doing all the housework because he “worked” all day and all I did at my office job was “answer phones and count staples.” I used to cringe when he made fun of my family members who worked white-collar careers.

The marriage ended, and I found a brilliant guy who works an office job and has physical hobbies — and doesn’t look down on anyone! — Best of Both Worlds, Transcona

Dear Best of Both: Congratulations on finding your perfect match. I suggested to the woman, who fears her blue-collar boyfriend will drop her because she’s white-collar, that the most important thing to tell him is she’d have to look for another man who works with his hands because that’s what turns her on.

You clearly made the right choice the second time because your ex-husband was jealous of white-collar workers like you. Your new husband is white-collar but has physical hobbies — and you are turned on by a guy who can work with his hands.

It should be added that lots of men with blue-collar jobs take great pride in their skills, and feel no insecurity at all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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