Pouting, homebound partner needs reality check

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/09/2020 (1862 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Winter is my favourite time of the year. I get sick and tired of the hot summer! My new sweetheart is the opposite and has started whining about the end of summer and the “horrible winter coming.”

He says he always gets his spirits back up in the fall by setting up holidays in the Caribbean, but now he feels thwarted by depressing COVID-19 travel forecasts.

I’d be quite happy to go on snowy hikes and cross-country excursions in Manitoba but he’s pouting. In a grown-up man, that behaviour is rather disgusting. Got any suggestions? — Winter Princess, Westwood 

Dear Winter: This cranky man has ideas about how the seasons work and how he can keep himself happy, living a life with lots of sun and fun all year long. Unfortunately, he needs trips that require airline travel. 

All of us have to rethink our lifestyles this year and enjoy what we have closer to home.

Try to engage him in fall and winter outdoor activities, but if it’s too much trouble and he’s pouting and dragging his feet, maybe you should find a more compatible, grown-up guy to date.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I decided to live together this fall, as COVID-19 doesn’t seem to be going away quickly. We have decided to give it a year as a couple, and if it ends up we’re just friends, so be it.

The problem is we can’t afford much, as a younger couple, so we have to get a one-bedroom where there’s bus transportation and we can walk to our jobs downtown.

These small apartments do exist, but how do we get any privacy? And if it falls apart, what do we do? Please help! — Young COVID Couple, Winnipeg 

Dear Couple: Be clear with each other this is not about getting married, so there are no big expectations on either side. It’s a young couple’s 2020 COVID living-together arrangement!

Who knows? It may end up you’re very romantically involved, but this living-together situation was not meant to be a practice run for a marriage, and your parents need to remember that, as much as you two do.

Talk to your boyfriend about when he needs privacy most, his best hours for waking and sleeping and how you can respect each other’s needs in sharing a bathroom.

It’s not up to either one of you to dictate when the other goes to bed or gets up. Parents may have done that, but lovers cannot.

Nor do you have to police deadlines for anything but paying bills. Housework doesn’t need a rigid schedule, but it needs to be divided up. Maybe you’ll do a big clean-up on Saturday together, or maybe you need to keep it tidy every day.

You do need to vow to be true to each other physically for this time living together, unless it turns out you’re just friends.

If there’s a breakup, one person can ask a new roomie to move in, or you both need to find someone to sublet and make different living arrangements altogether.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, I’m in big trouble. I met a great woman about 18 months ago, and I hadn’t had a girlfriend for a long time. We spent most of our time in bed, to be honest. She had been alone for a while before that, too.

Well, as the summer progressed, I started wanting to expand our horizons beyond the bedroom, and she seemed to think of me as her personal plaything. I wanted to take her out to do different activities and sports and she just wanted to order in and go to bed with me.

Finally, I made a lame joke about sending her a bill for my gigolo services. Her face fell and she got really upset. She got sarcastic and ridiculed some of my poorly executed services.

Then I said some things back that I didn’t mean and called her a few names. Now everything is a mess.

Who’d have thought she’d get so emotional? I talked to one of my female buddies about it and she said it sounded like both of us were so busy wearing down our built-up need for sex that we forgot to relate to each other.

I told my girlfriend this. She said that I committed the biggest sin — calling a woman down for her sexuality. She said she didn’t need a man who loved having sex with her up until it was a little more than he wanted, and then start calling her names.

She said it was too late for us! I’m hoping it isn’t. — Did I Blow It? St. James

Dear Did I: You may have flattened one or all of the tires on your relationship. If it’s only partly in trouble, a lot of talk and some concrete ideas for things you two can do together (other than having sex) will help get things back on the road.

But if she feels irreparably wounded by the things you said, you may just have to walk away and remember not to call a woman names.

It is equally your business, as it is your partner’s, to introduce other facets to a highly physical new relationship, like sports, adventure activities, little trips and excursions, in addition to talking about what’s going on in the world.

Better luck next time!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.