Distance may sow the seeds for deep connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/09/2020 (2218 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m from Thompson, and recently visited family in Winnipeg. While I was there, I met one of my sister’s closest friends (they’re in a friend bubble) and really fell for her, right away. I enjoyed spending time with her, until I had to leave to drive all the way back to work. We said our surprisingly sad goodbyes.

The problem is I live in Thompson and, realistically, having a relationship when you’re that far apart is not easy. I can’t leave Thompson as my northern-based work requires me to be here. I know she has no interest in moving here.

I refuse to let this beautiful start to an amazing friendship/relationship just fizzle and die! But I feel like my hands are tied. She’s been a big-city girl all her life, so I can’t blame her for not wanting to move up here to this little city.

Finding a job in Winnipeg or any city in my field would be really hard for me. How can I keep her in my life without having to risk my work, and move to the city for any old job?

— Romance Blockade, Thompson

Dear Blockade: It’s not easy for anybody to date anywhere during the COVID-19 pandemic, which evens things out a bit. Keep in touch as closely as possible by electronic means and see what happens to this possible burgeoning romance.

When a vaccine is available, and life returns to normal, most things will change back. So here’s an idea that takes some guts. By being bravely honest with this woman via phone or Zoom about many important topics, you can go a long way towards knowing one another.

You might totally disagree on some non-negotiables which would have come out much later in ordinary times. You might want to drop the relationship to casual friends (or less), and move on to other people who might be more compatible. It could be a real time-saver. People tend to keep important differences secret if they start out quickly with a sexual relationship, and that can waste a lot of time in the longer-run, when those differences come out.

If you get through a lot of touchy issues and you’re still crazy about each other, you’ll find a way to work and live in the same place. Highly-motivated love partners can rarely be stopped by distance. In Canada, most of us know people who moved countries — not just city to city, within a province — to live and love together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I actively hate my neighbour. This summer we actually started doing things to make each other mad. My wife wants to move, but I won’t give in to that creep’s intimidation. They live right beside us and I happen to know from his wife he wants his best friend — a weekend biker like him — to move into the neighbourhood.

Moving out would be letting my neighbour win, and he’d laugh his butt off if he saw a for-sale sign go up in my yard.

Just seeing him in his yard makes me wonder what he’s going to try to do to us next. I don’t know what he’s poured on the land closest to the chain-link fence that separates our two lots, but nothing will grow there anymore.

Our neighbour has given me the finger more times than I can count. OK, I’ll admit I’ve retaliated a few times because I can’t stand the sight of the guy. And my blood pressure is up — because of him, my wife says.

She calls the guy’s top-heavy wife “low-class” because she’s always tanning in her front yard in tiny bikini tops. She causes a real scene and sometimes cars slow down as they go past her yard.

So, yesterday, my take-charge wife, who likes to cruise around in the evening air, found a house “perfect for us” in the next neighbourhood. I have to admit it looks good, and it has an outdoor jacuzzi. But why should I have to move from a house I already like, and why should I be the one who gives in? Nobody’s pushing this guy out!

— Stubborn, Transcona

Dear Stubborn: You give away so much power when you care too much about what this neighbour thinks and does. It’s driving your blood pressure up and you may have a stroke — over a neighbour you don’t like. Then who wins? Why not move into a low-stress new home and enjoy your life instead of devoting it to a clash with a jerk? Sitting in your jacuzzi, you’ll forget about him so fast you won’t believe it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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