Don’t aid son’s pandemic nonchalance with car keys

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This article was published 05/10/2020 (2167 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s really difficult to rein in our 20-somethings who still live in our home. The oldest, who has a steady girlfriend, is careful to wear a mask and clean his hands, but his brother isn’t. The younger one (quite the athlete) thinks he’s impervious to disease and death, and doesn’t think beyond himself to protecting a girlfriend (he’s had three I know of in the last seven months).

I’m thinking of taking away the keys and forbidding him to use my car, but he goes out partying one way or another (my car or friends’ vehicles) three or four nights a week since things started opening up. I’m aware they bar-hop if the girl situation is poor at the first bar. What do you suggest? His father says, “Whatever you do will not change much if a young man is determined to get out there and find a girl.”

I’m just as worried about him coming home with germs all over him and my car from his friends breathing, coughing and sneezing. Lots of people react because of allergies in the fall, and kids don’t know if they are allergic, have a cold, or (God forbid) COVID-19!

— Worried Mom, North Kildonan

Dear Worried Mom: This is your car and you have a right to stop lending it if you wish. Just as you would not lend a car to somebody going out to commit a crime, you shouldn’t lend a car to someone who’s going out to party recklessly and chase casual relationships — dangerous outings these days.

You suspect other buddies will pick him up, and you can’t stop that, but you don’t have to lend your car to aid the project. At least it might slow him down a little with the ladies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A man at work has a large moustache and calls it his “cookie duster.” The problem is it’s true — it does catch crumbs sometimes, which is icky, but he’s so short-sighted he can’t see it.

I have excellent eyesight and can see the crumbs and other mush lodged in it sometimes. This morning I noted a tiny, aqua-blue bit that must have been toothpaste — yucky. I commented on it and he went red. He was surprisingly embarrassed and hurt.

Now I feel like a bit of a jerk, but the clean and tidy side of me says I might have done him, and the rest of the people who notice such things, a favour. Maybe, because of me, he’ll start doing a moustache check in the morning and after lunch. So, who has the real problem — him or me?

— Couldn’t Help Pointing It Out, Downtown

Dear Pointing: Poor guy — so embarrassing! You’re not an intimate friend of his, so you can’t go around pointing out these things. Would you like him to point out if you had a chin hair or a chunk of sleep dust in the corner of your eye?

Don’t kid yourself that you were trying to do him and the office a favour. You pointed out that toothpaste to blow off your built-up irritation about his untidy moustache. You may have thought he’d laugh, but took a chance he wouldn’t.

It turns out he is sensitive and he may now check his moustache nervously when he’s around you, but it’s more likely he will avoid you for a while. You’d better hope he’s not in a position to promote you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Hello! Here is my response to Mom of a New Fur Baby. She’s struggling with her boyfriend who’s started bringing his elderly dog to her house. He wants the “rambunctious puppy” locked in the bedroom. You advised finding a new boyfriend.

As a veterinarian, I would recommend two things. First, let’s look at the dog side. Your writer should work with her young dog on its canine citizenship. Basic obedience, kennelling and manners are great to learn, regardless of the human relationships. The pup needs to respect when it’s OK to pounce on other living things and when it is not. There’s great obedience training out there and every player always benefits.

The second recommendation has to do with the boyfriend. I would ask the other owner to bring his dog’s crate (assuming he has one) over when he visits. It’s an easy way to create space for the senior dog and a very trainable moment for the young dog to learn to disengage when the old one is resting.

The boyfriend has no right to ask his girlfriend to isolate her dog when he is in her space. If she is at his home, it’s a different story. In that situation, the girlfriend should use her kennel to provide her dog with an appropriate, safe space to relax.

If a compromise cannot be reached, I’d call “time” on the whole relationship. Who wants to have a long-term partner with someone who can’t work out a middle way through conflict?

— Dr. B., Manitoba

Dear Dr. B.: Thanks for your much-appreciated advice for the new pup’s mom. There may be a constructive way out of this problem — if both partners are motivated and use your suggestions.

There’s only so much strain and effort most new couples can take and this new man has shown himself to be quite nervy, asking his new lady to lock her dog in another room when he’s over with his. The banished puppy’s endless crying was not good background music for a new romance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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