Post-sex guilt is detrimental to relationship

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/10/2020 (1831 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend claims to be “a non-religious guy,” but his strict Christian family background keeps coming through. After we make love, he says things that sound guilty. Instead of cuddling, he starts getting antsy and making little jokes like, “We’ll be going to Hell for that one, for sure!”

I thought I Ioved him, but now I’m beginning to distance myself because of his crudeness. I’m not ready to get married, as we’re in our early 20s. I don’t have a religious background, and my only concern is keeping us safe from unplanned parenthood. We’re using two forms of contraception, 100 per cent of the time, thanks to me.

He wants to make love and talks about missing it when we can’t. But when we do — and especially if it’s mind-blowing — he sure does ruin the mood with his unfunny jokes. The better the sex, the more stupid and out-of-place the jokes. Please help!

—Tired of His Guilt, Brandon

 

Dear Tired: Say to your boyfriend, “I’m upset about your guilty jokes. They make me wonder if you think our lovemaking is somehow wrong and dirty.” Then give him a few minutes to think.

It’s unlikely either of you are going to want to stop having sex — it’s a fire that’s almost impossible to put out, once started. But this boyfriend might need to stop, find another girl to love and get married. Whatever you do, don’t let him shame you for being different in your beliefs — and don’t shame him either.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a funny lady — always pulling little jokes on members of our big, extended family in Crescentwood. I don’t know any other situation like this, and I don’t really want to move out. I have been my mom’s buddy in crime since I was 13.

But yesterday she surprised me at breakfast when she suggested I save up for a place with a friend, for after-COVID. I just sat there in shock. I don’t want to move out!

I have the whole third storey of our big old house, and I’m still loving it. I can have friends up and girlfriends stay over because it’s totally private with an outside staircase at the back.

My mom says she doesn’t want to be responsible for a “failure to launch” situation. What? It’s never going to be as much fun for me anywhere else, and my mom is such a great chef. She loves my friends and they love her! (Dad isn’t much fun.)

I finally asked mom what she’d do with the big house and she said, “Your dad and I might live half-time here and half-time in the Caribbean.”

I said, “Well who’s going to look after the house when you’re gone?” And she said, as if it was nothing, they’d sell the house and buy a condo. A tiny little condo, after this great house? Help!

— Youngest Son, Crescentwood

 

Dear Youngest Son: If you love it so much, buy that great house from your parents, have some friends move in and split the costs. You must have a career and money saved by age 29, after living at home all this time. No? Uh-oh.

What your mom is saying is the big house is feeling empty and is no doubt expensive to maintain. With only one overgrown “kid,” it’s starting to feel like a double failure to launch at that address — both you and your parents. Plus, it’s your parents’ only hope of getting you out of the house. Get going on your new life!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.