Girlfriend deserves real honesty, right now

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/10/2020 (2137 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is wonderful in many ways, but she makes no bones about being interested in my money. She let me know last weekend that she fell in love with my ambition and drive before she fell in love with my kind and funny side.

In my mom’s day, women would say I’m “a catch.” What my lady doesn’t know is I don’t like my profession, and would like to get into a different line of work. I don’t care how much it pays, past a decent living for a family, but it’s in a creative field where it won’t be six figures. She sees herself having kids and dabbling in her present career, with a nanny at home. The hard truth is she’ll have to work at least half-time, no nannies. And we can’t have babies right off the hop!

Please help, as I can’t sleep at night thinking about this. I know she is a person who sees me as something I’m not, and I don’t think I’m in love with her anymore.

— Hiding the Real Me, Tuxedo

Dear Hiding: If you don’t confess and take action to get out of this relationship now, you’re going to look back at fall 2020 as the time you knew you didn’t want to marry her, and realize you should have told the truth!

Spill it soon. It will never be the “right time,” but you have to be true to yourself and let this woman know the score. Yes, you even have to tell her you aren’t in love with her, so she can make a clean break.

If you tell her you’re junking your high-paying career and going after your real dream, she may save you all kinds of time and lengthy explanation by calling off the relationship herself. It was supposed to be her road to an old-fashioned marriage and children with a wealthy man. She was obviously on the wrong road.

The upside to all this? If you start following your real dream, someday you’ll find a woman who loves you for the person you really are.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Getting Married Soon, the young couple who was asking your advice about getting married in pandemic times, and how to handle upset relatives. (The ones who’d expect a big wedding and reception). Although couples may be ready to embrace a “new normal,” they meet resistance from others.

As a marriage commissioner, I’ve become very creative in helping couples hold a wedding ceremony while following safety guidelines. Some ceremonies include hundreds of guests — all online via live-streaming or video-conferencing services.

Or you can hold a small ceremony right away — while respecting current health orders — and plan a larger celebration for friends and relatives when COVID-19 restrictions can be relaxed.

Remember, the real purpose of a wedding is to be a public declaration of commitment and love. There are reasons why the law in Manitoba requires only the couple, an officiant and two witnesses to be present to solemnize and legalize the marriage.

— Wayne Palendat, Winnipeg

Dear Mr. Palendat: The only thing that might be a drawback to promising a wedding reception down the road for friends and relatives is it can start feeling like a burden, especially if the COVID pandemic is long and the price of the party is high. It may be a better idea to suggest a reception when it’s finally safe, but not promise anything as to size.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read your column today where you’re giving suggestions for COVID-19 nuptials. We run a small bed-and-breakfast just south of Winnipeg Beach, a 50-minute drive from Winnipeg.

We’ve been specializing in elopements and intimate weddings recently, where people have had to cancel big events but still want to make their wedding day special.

We’ve even had weddings with just the bride and groom, where we have supplied the witnesses, and weddings with just a small number of people who left after the ceremony. Then the bride and groom enjoy an intimate dinner together in the gazebo overlooking the lake.

Recently, we had a group of eight who were supposed to fly to Nanaimo, B.C. for the wedding, and had to cancel because of COVID-19. They rented all three rooms of ours, and we fed the eight of them in the gazebo.

I’m sure there are a lot of other venues in Manitoba now that are providing wonderful, intimate weddings as well — as opposed to city hall. We even offer elopement packages, where we take care of everything.

— Randy and Eleanore McMahon, Gimli Road

Dear Randy and Eleanore: People who have had their weddings and receptions cancelled feel crushed. It was going to be the biggest event of their lives!

They may not be up for booking another big wedding event when COVID-19 is over, because they don’t even know when that will be. But they were psyched up for a very big day, and don’t want to have nothing at all. For some, an elopement might be the solution, with a party much later, when it’s safe for friends and family to come.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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