Using protection should not be up for debate

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This article was published 20/11/2020 (2099 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  What’s with guys who don’t want to wear protection? Don’t they know the risks?

I was out with a guy a couple weeks ago and we’ve only known each other a few weeks — that’s way too early for sex in my books. So, he starts talking about how he doesn’t like condoms, and how they get in the way of him really feeling the whole experience.

I didn’t tell him I’ve been on the pill for years (I’m 28), because he doesn’t deserve intimacy with me. And I’m feeling more and more turned off by the timing of his talk. I’m not that stupid, or easily swayed.

I’m shocked at how many guys push to not to use a condom before they’re even up to bat. You’d think in 2020, when people are supposed to be more health-conscious and considerate of each other, it wouldn’t be an issue. But it happens again and again.

I’m banging my head on the wall. What is the matter with guys like this? — Frustrated, St. James

Dear Frustrated: How did you end up dating a clown like this? He’s not the first inconsiderate male in your dating life. Are you attracted to happy-go-lucky guys, who are perhaps a little self-centred and not very mature?

At 28, there should be a fair number of guys around you who have grown up and think about the women they date as much as about themselves.

When the guy started the no-condom chat, you were wise to cut him off quickly. He’s failed the “kind, considerate and mature” test.

The interesting thing about men and condoms is that they don’t tend to keep guys from reaching orgasm. On the other hand, not using one is extremely worrisome to the woman and will keep her from fully enjoying the experience.

That’s one of a number of reasons many young women choose the birth-control pill, because then there’s no argument in the heat of the moment, at least when it comes to pregnancy.

The best move is to find a grown-up man who respects you enough to use condoms. That should come first for him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad works in politics behind the scenes and he has changed in a big way over the last decade. I am in my early 30s now and have noticed him change from a loving and happy man into a bitter and vengeful person.

I can barely have a normal conversation with him anymore. It’s like he is trying to convert me every time we talk.

I love my dad and I want to keep the lines of communication open, but I’m running out of patience.

What’s a good way to get someone you love to stop talking politics all the time? — Butting Heads Politically, River Heights

Dear Butting Heads Politically: A good line to use when family members get into political arguments repeatedly is, “I’m getting indigestion and I guess we’re going to have to agree to disagree.”

These arguments come up so often at the dinner that many parents set a rule of “no political arguments at the table.“

Then, after dinner when everyone is full and contented, people tend to go their own separate ways, and the fight has been avoided for another day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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