Humility could win back rejected lover

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/11/2020 (1790 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a thing with a guy I worked with about a year ago and I really miss him. The thing we had wasn’t exactly a romance. It was more like a series of hook-ups in his car, in a parking lot near our work.

When it was going on, I was high on myself and thought I was pretty awesome, and told him I didn’t want a relationship or anything with him. (I had lots of interested guys.)

After I told him that, he became sad and we parted ways, except for seeing each other at work. I have a new job now.

And now I’ve left, I find myself thinking about him. How do I get him back in my life? He was the nicest guy I’ve ever been with. Thank you.

— Wanting Him Back, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting Him Back:  Don’t hold your breath! Most people don’t want “on-second-thought” romances with former casual sex partners who told them they weren’t worthy of a relationship.

You hurt this guy, and you know it. Are you counting on him still having feelings for you, and wanting you back for more?

It’s not likely he’ll want that, but you could take a chance. Start with an apology and tell him you miss him and would like to have a real relationship now — if he’s interested. Just don’t go in acting confident you’ll get him back, or you’re certain to get the cold shoulder!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After my dad died, my mom told me I had a different biological father. I was so mad I told her to go to hell and bolted out the door of her house. I’m married and have a family of my own and just cannot imagine my mother living a lie like that for so many decades.

The dad that raised me never would have wanted us to fight like this, but she lied, and not just a little fib! Am I being too harsh? I’m just heartbroken.

— Not My Dad’s Son After All, Winnipeg

Dear Not: Yes, you are the son of the man who died, in every way that really counts. The bio-dad only contributed to the pregnancy, not to your becoming the man you are.

Probably your mom thought that since the man who raised you had died, the guilty secret could be revealed now.

It’s not surprising you freaked out — quite a shock to anyone’s system.

Maybe this was the way your lifelong father wanted it to be and she was honouring his wishes — or maybe she just didn’t have the courage to tell you.

Who knows? Perhaps your bio-father didn’t want anything to do with her and her pregnancy. You need to talk to your mother and get the whole story, not just the fact she lied by omission to you all your life.

She does need to apologize to you for that. That information was a piece of your life you deserved to know at some point. You may or may not want to meet the man now, but do talk to your mom again. She raised you and she loves you.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The mother who used her son “needing to pee” to get ahead in the store lineup is a bully. (Her honest boy said he didn’t have to go. A woman called Disgusted D wrote in to complain and I agree. — Miss L.)

That child’s mother is a fool if she disciplines that honest kid. She should be telling him how proud she is of his honesty and that she was wrong and is sorry. Nothing bonds a parent and a kid more than the parent admitting wrongdoing.

— Disgusted D’s Supporter!, Winnipeg

Dear Supporter: You make a fine point about the bonding that happens after a parent admits wrongdoing to child. It sets a good example.

Too many parents realize they were the wrong one — after a little of their own thinking and/or protesting by the child — but they still try to let it slide without admitting it, because they are the one with all the power.

The child is not fooled, although they may keep quiet. Unfortunately, they have learned the bully lesson that “might is right.”

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.