‘Admirer’ has veered ominously into stalker territory

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/11/2020 (2142 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For the past few months I’ve been receiving email from a secret admirer… or so I thought. The first few letters were very sweet, very complimentary.

Then the letters became much more personal. Obviously, this person (it feels like a man) knows who I am on a personal level, based on the confidential things mentioned.

But he’s now taking pleasure in letting me know I’m not as “pure” as I’m letting on. Pure?

There was nothing threatening or slanderous in the letters to back that up, just personal comments only a close person would know. I am starting to suspect a former boyfriend.

I’m now in a career that demands a high level of integrity. To me it sounds like he — or someone else at my work — is envious of my new promotion.

I’m getting paranoid and also suspecting other friends, as I desperately try to figure this out. What should I do about the… — Secret Admirer No More, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Admirer No More: Ahead of a serious search, decide what you want to do about it once you know the culprit. If it’s a jealous co-worker (a fake friend at work) you might want to deal with it in-house. If it’s a bitter old boyfriend, you might want to contact a lawyer.

Since these letters are coming to you via email, there are ways to track the computer sending them. You may have a computer expert on staff to help, or you might want to go to the police, if it feels threatening.

Don’t leave this any longer. This creep needs to be revealed, and not just to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man lives in Brandon and thinks he needs to call me every night to whisper sweet nothings and say goodnight, or I will be hurt.

I don’t mind if he misses a day! I told him I’m not shy and will phone him if I feel the need to talk to him — any old time of the day or night.

He still thinks I need a 10 p.m. goodnight call. What’s wrong with the man — is he deaf? I don’t need it! — Strong Independent Woman, Winnipeg

Dear Strong: The point is he needs that call! That’s why he can hear your protesting, but he ignores it. He’s operating on a belief that you must always say goodnight to your sweetheart.

Or perhaps he’s reacting from a past experience with an old girlfriend who told him he could have “at least called and said goodnight.” If so, you need to root that out and make it clear that you are different.

It’s either that, or it may simply be a “bed check,” where he’s really calling to make sure you aren’t messing around with another guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just read your column in response to the couple who are looking at things to do during the COVID-19 lockdown.

One thing that was left out was myriad online events. Right now, my husband and I are set up with online art classes, music events and cooking classes. They are locally based so we’re also supporting local businesses by doing so.

As well, we have scheduled Zoom cocktail and happy-hour events with our couple friends. Lockdown is a tough situation, but there are lots of activities out there. —Keep Looking! Manitoba

Dear Keep Looking: Thanks for sharing your ideas with my readers. Have fun!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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