Some people can’t swipe way to real-world connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/03/2021 (2024 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places all winter long. I was lonely and trying to find love online, because what choice did we all have this year with the virus? I’d seem do fine, thinking I’d found a beautiful woman, and then everything would fizzle once we got talking on the phone.

My big interest is world politics, and that brings out all kinds of emotions and prejudices. I am well-educated, work at a university and am not white. So, that’s an added layer of complication.

Here’s how it usually goes: I’m attracted to young women’s beautiful photos, but often, once we actually talk, they turn out to be boring, brainless or giggly — or looking for phone sex with a guy who looks like me. (I have a strong build from weightlifting.)

I like sex as much as anybody, but I need to desire the person first, and most times I’m turned off by the speed they want to get at me. It’s not even safe in this COVID-19 climate.

So, what hope is there for me if I don’t participate online where everyone who’s single (or cheating) operates now?

— Looking for Real Love, Wolseley

Dear Looking for Love: You need to go at it from a whole different angle. Try to get into an activist group for something you want to see change. Get really involved and see if you can make friends, and perhaps you’ll find someone there who’s attractive, both intellectually and physically.

It won’t be too many more months before people will be protected by COVID-19 vaccines and can meet without the fear of catching the virus. So, stop looking for love on the dating apps, particularly those that depend heavily on photos to decide who gets chosen for attention. Stop doing more of what doesn’t work.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy who often gets mistaken as a racist or a sexist, because I dress like a blue-collar guy. My girlfriend tells me not to let it bother me, but it really does. Online, and in the real world, people assume I’m some idiot who hates other races and women, but I don’t.

I’m a big, loving guy with a long beard and pony tail, an earring and tattoos, and I work with my hands when I’m not busy running my crew with the business. I wear a black leather jacket a fair bit. I guess I look a little tough.

I’m not someone who wants to hurt other people. I must admit my internal voice has really changed over the years from positive, to a cynical voice that assumes the worst of people in the white-collar world — as “the worst” is how I have been treated by many of them.

Should I just give up and buy some “dad pants” and a conservative dress shirt? Ha! I don’t think so, but I do want to feel like I have a place in this world, without having to wear a uniform. What do you think?

— Just a Normal Guy, South Osborne

Dear Normal Guy: Be exactly how you are, and wear whatever you want to wear in daily life. Once in a while, just for some fun, go to a wedding or charity fundraiser, and out-dress the white-collar types in a tuxedo, and a medium-sized diamond earring and let people see another side of you. The ladies will find your look charming with the beard and hair — kind of like seeing a rock star at a music awards show. Nothing wrong with that!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t know how I do it, but I constantly date men who put on a great show for the first six months, then just revert into children. Not only that, I have a knack for finding men who want to “invest” money for me. As I get older, I learn more and more that guys are terrible at being adults.

My body is the real traitor. I just can’t get over how hot I get when a bad boy talks to me. Am I doomed to repeat this pattern forever? It feels that way.

— The Repeater, North Kildonan

Dear Repeater: These guys are man candy. You can have a few, but you’ll make yourself sick if you have too many. Candy should never be your whole diet.

After a few dates with this type, you need to have a more serious talk where you conduct a hidden interview to find out the guy’s views on money and investing (gambling?), and how well he’s getting along in the work department. Whatever you do, don’t whine about all the men you’ve already given money to. If you need to get rid of one of these “forever boys,” try to borrow money from him, and watch him run!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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