You can tackle frustration in isolation

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/05/2021 (1974 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single, middle-aged woman. My lousy marriage came apart just as COVID started. I was scared to reach out for help and maybe catch the virus in counselling. My alcoholic partner moved right in with his young babe, so they’re cocooning and honeymooning while the rest of us suffer through isolation. I’m so lonely and mad!

I’m not depressed because my husband was a selfish guy and a big liar, but I am angry over my ex’s moving on and being happy.

I’m also frustrated over the persistence of this horrible virus. I’ve just held in my pain for almost a year and a half and tried to cope using books and advice from well-meaning friends. But, like so many people, I have had enough of this loneliness and depression! Last night I cried myself to sleep.

I also still need help with my breakup feelings, and I need some single friends. I don’t need any more of my cosy, married friends and their platitudes. Help me, please!

— Single, Bored and Lonely, Transcona

Dear Single, Bored and Lonely: Even in this time of tightening pandemic restrictions, there are still counselling options available by phone or video conferencing that could help you. You can find counselling options by checking out the websites of Manitoba Shared Health or the Canadian Mental Health Association’s Manitoba and Winnipeg chapter. You could also connect with organizations like Klinic Community Health.

Adventures for Successful Singles is remotely offering its coaching course for hurting singles called Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, based on the book of the same name by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti. You can track down the book at your local book store or online.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As a mother, I was torn by the letter from Mixed-Up Son who was worried his mother might be a lesbian. I felt sympathy for his mother — and exasperation towards him!

His mother’s love life is none of his business, and he should be more concerned about why he, at 18, is drinking so much beer and discussing his mother’s love life with his friends in the first place.

If matters were reversed, would he appreciate his mother questioning him about the true nature of his relationship with a buddy? Would he like it if his mother confided in his younger brother her belief that his brother might be gay?

This young man needs to ask himself why it matters so much to him. Is he perhaps confused about his own sexual preference and projecting that concern onto his mother and her close friend?

Even if his mother and her friend of many years are lesbian lovers, what difference does that make to him? It’d seem to me if he loves his mother as much as he professes, he’d be happy she’d found love again.

— Rooting for Mom, Winnipeg

Dear Rooting for Mom: This son was presented with the gossip going around that his mom and her long-time best friend were lesbian lovers. That information landed in his lap and he was shocked. It’s doubtful he’s projecting his own sexuality on her situation.

Also, I don’t agree it’s just her business and her son can’t ask her about it.

It’s helpful to know what’s what with your family so you can deal with it before gossip flies in your face and catches you unprepared.

After thinking the gossip was over, he decided it might actually be true. The next natural step would be to ask his mother and not hide it inside, where confusion like that can fester.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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