Sustain spirit of joy-filled home bubble

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This article was published 05/07/2021 (1896 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Unlike most people, I’m sorry to see the beginnings of the end of COVID stay-at-home culture. My highly motivated wife had to close the doors on her business and concentrate on me and the kids. I worked at home and have kept my job.

Boy, did we get pampered! The daily baking, the crazy theme dinners she dreamed up, the weekly all-weather barbecues on the lighted back deck, the backyard skating rink we made together, the family board-game nights with prizes.

Then there were the cocktails after the kids went to sleep — and the rejuvenated sex life! She turned up the heat and the music, and it was almost as good as our honeymoon.

Last night I talked to her about keeping it this way, and she smiled at me like she was looking at a green, college boy. She told me softly she was going to open up her business again, as soon as legally possible.

She left me sputtering, “I can afford this family on my own now. You don’t need to go back to work!” And she just smiled that Mona Lisa smile I can’t stand. Now what?

— Loved Our COVID Home Life, Fort Garry

Dear Loved It: Now you know how that lifestyle works, you don’t need to lose the fun parts. Now you can salvage some of the best activities by creating some of the dinners, game nights, surprise baking, kids’ activities — and dates with your lady.

All is not lost, though part of it will be, because you’ll both be busy working. Still, now you’ve woken up to how warm and fun home life can be, it’s impossible to be un-woke.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I still love my childhood boyfriend, but I love my young husband better. I never quite gave up my first boyfriend and I only see him when he’s in town a few times a year, coming in from where he works. We are forever friends, which is something we swore to be with an oath when we were two abused foster kids, coming up through the system.

We don’t actually have sex anymore, but we do cuddle together and kiss. My husband knows nothing of this. It makes me feel guilty, but it’s the way my teenage boyfriend and I relate — a bit like kids in a crib. If I tell my husband about my old boyfriend, he will probably leave me. So what should I do about my guilt?

— New Wife, Winnipeg

Dear New Wife: You must tell your “childhood” boyfriend you can see him in public or at a restaurant, but nowhere private for “cuddling.” Tell him it feels like you’re betraying your marriage to your husband. He will be disappointed, but he’ll probably understand.

You may want to be intimate friends all your life, but you already picked another man to be your husband in an intimate relationship. He comes first now, and your childhood boyfriend has to put his own girlfriend first, too. Maybe he needs this change in order to free himself to find a life partner, like you did.

I understand kids “in the system” sometimes form very tight relationships as a substitute family — acting like twins or like mother/son. That worked long ago when you needed it, but you two didn’t carry on to make a marriage and family together.

You really need to set each other free now and that doesn’t mean your ex-boyfriend “pretends” to be just a family friend. Why? Your husband is going to notice the peculiarly tight bond between the two of you, that doesn’t usually include him. In some ways, you and this old boyfriend were like young soldiers who went through a war together. Sometimes you can just communicate with your eyes or body language, without words. Your grown-up marriage partner couldn’t help but be jealous over that kind of intimacy and long history.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What kind of boring wife have I become during this pandemic? I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize myself. The sparkle has gone from my eyes, the premature grey is back and I feel like a shadow of my former self. Not that I was a beauty queen, but I was proud of my looks and my husband called me Black Beauty even in pregnancy.

I’d give up anything, except my health, to go to a hairdresser for a cut and colour so I’d stop looking like my mother, who passed away with a full head of grey at age 52. So why don’t I go, now that I can? Fear. I’m still scared. Frankly I don’t trust my hairdresser or his customers. I have two Pfizer shots and they’ve clicked in after the two weeks. Still, I don’t trust anybody who isn’t immediate family or a close friend to tell me the whole truth about the date of their second shot, let alone the first.

I feel like I’ve morphed into a COVID traffic cop. I want to see people’s COVID proof, but I’m scared to ask. How do you go about getting in people’s faces and asking? I wish they’d get tattoos.

— Losing My Marbles, St. Vital

Dear Marbles: Here’s a plan: You are double-vaccinated, so you are mostly safe but perhaps five per cent vulnerable as vaccines aren’t quite perfect. When you go out — and you should start soon, as you say you’re starting to lose it — be double-masked, sanitize frequently and carry gloves in your purse, should you feel you need them.

As for restoring your crowning glory, many hairdressers are fine with one-on-one appointments or appointments in your home, though limited people can go into their beauty shops now.

Ask on the phone if the hairstylist and staff are double-vaccinated, and if so, when they had their second shots. Ask if the stylist would also feel comfortable wearing a mask during the time you’re there. Book ahead for a normally quiet time of day, and leave a generous tip for this exclusive treatment!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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