Let ‘biker’ mama ride for relationship’s sake

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This article was published 17/08/2021 (1871 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is driving me nuts! She’s 67 and she has a new “boyfriend.” This old guy has a ponytail and rides a motorcycle, and now she’s on the back of it, at her age! I know this isn’t just a friendship by the leather clothes she’s started wearing and her hair that went from grey to blond last week. I’m not even asking about tattoos — I’ve heard she has one now. Ugh!

I sat her down to try to talk some sense into her about riding a dangerous motorcycle out to the lake on a busy highway. She glared at me, but I warned her about her brittle bones and motorcycle accidents that could kill her. I know they’re sexually active, so I also had to get into the risks of sexually-transmitted infections.

She yelled: “When did you get so old and cold? I’m ashamed to say you’re my daughter! Get out of my house!” I was in shock.

Should I stop caring about what dangers my mother might risk at her age? She told my sister she has the right to die happy, and that I have to learn to shut up or leave her alone. That seems extremely rude and ridiculous to me!

— Daughter-Mother Standoff, North Kildonan

Dear Standoff: Hello! You’re not your mom’s mother, so you’re going to have to butt out or lose her. What you said to her — and the way you said it — was rude and uncalled-for. She wasn’t asking for your advice.

Of course you’d like to keep her safe and alive, but at what cost? You actually want her to give up the man who makes her happy and takes her on adventures? You want her to sit at home, turning into your version of a proper old lady? That’s never happening.

If you want to become friends with your mom again, you’re going to have to respect her decisions and hold your tongue about her love life. Right now, you owe her a sincere apology. Also, you’re also going to need to be nice to her new man, or you won’t see your mom very much. You can bet she’s already told him what you’ve said about the two of them being together. You’re going to have to apologize to him about making assumptions, and try to get to know him as a real person. Good luck.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m fortunate in many ways. I have a loving husband and beautiful child, but I feel seriously resentful, exhausted and sad these days. I’m the family bread-winner and we need my solid salary and benefits to get by, but my work is unfulfilling. My superior is two-faced and untrustworthy, but well-connected and he knows how to charm the right people.

I’d happily take a different job or go back to school, but we can’t afford it, even part-time, until my husband gets a better salary. He’s been looking hard, but the market is awful. I can’t even go to school part-time, because the programs I want are all full-time! So, I am resentful because I feel trapped in this horrible job. My son is at a difficult age and no longer naps, so I get very few breaks and feel miserable most of the time. What do I do?

— Sad, Trapped and Guilty, Winnipeg

Dear Sad, Trapped and Guilty: You need a new plan — researched and written up this fall — to start changing careers, course by course. You already have some new career ideas, but are they reaching high enough? Don’t pick another career where you’d only be partially satisfied. Believe it or not, the more concrete and detailed your dream is, the faster it will happen and more people you don’t expect will want to help.

Figure out your exact education path and see if you can do even one course this fall, taking that first important step. Many more courses can be done online now, because of COVID, and you’ll be amazed at the resources you can find for student loans. Just starting on the plan this fall — and building real hope for your future — will help pull you out of your “going nowhere” depression.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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