It’s possible to be a positive party-pooper

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This article was published 27/08/2021 (1861 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sweet jock of a husband told me last night after making love he wants a “normal” party for his birthday in early September. That means a big blow-out on our acreage around a bonfire. We used to invite all his teammates and their wives and have a big sing-song, play crazy games and set off fireworks. I did this a few times for him before COVID, and he loved it. Who wouldn’t?

But I’m a nurse. I know COVID is not over yet, and we might get a fourth wave here, involving a lot of unvaccinated people and many of them young. I also know some of his buddies are anti-vaxxers in their late 20s, early 30s, and thinking their strong, athletic bodies can fight off any old virus.

My husband got double-vaccinated at the earliest possible date — because he values his sex life with me.

Miss L., I don’t want his risk-taking friends here at our place drinking, singing loudly (which means lot of spitting) and pretending there’s no chance of getting COVID. How do I explain to my guy he’s not getting normal birthday parties until it’s safe?

— Killjoy Nurse/Wife, Manitoba

Dear Nurse: Take a positive, reasonable angle. If there’s to be a fourth COVID wave in Manitoba, it could be surging up this fall. Let him know you understand how much he enjoyed those big, crazy parties in his honour, but stress that you still have to be on watch for people’s lives, even when they aren’t on watch for their own.

Tell him what you actually can do for his birthday this year — a fancy barbecue party with great food and the company of few of his closest double-vaccinated friends and wives/girlfriends. That’s it for now, but who knows what fun parties you can have in the future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in regard to the young wife with gift-aversion problems. My immediate first thought was childhood sexual abuse — if she had an abuser who gave her gifts after abusing her, that could have set up a lifetime aversion to “gifts” of any kind. A therapist with expertise in childhood sexual abuse to work this out would probably be the best, and safest, option for her to get at something so deeply buried.

— Counselling Background, Manitoba

Dear Counselling Background: That could certainly be the case, since the young wife is now involved in a sexual relationship, and gift-giving is part of the love lives of couples. We can only hope the husband helps her get the therapy she needs — to free them both in their marriage.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to “Bowled Over Student” (the girl who has a huge crush on a male teacher), I don’t think you stressed enough that any romantic interaction with this man could have serious lifelong repercussions, like losing his teaching certification and/or going to jail. Hopefully he will not respond to her in any way, but she certainly should be aware of the seriousness of the situation!

— Serious Warning, Winnipeg

 Dear Serious Warning: Yes, if this male teacher got together with the girl, it could be a career and life-wrecker for him. That’s even if the girl chased him — and wanted everything. Very few student crushes end up with the teacher having anything to do with the student, even though the age difference may only be a few years between a newly minted high school teacher and a Grade 12 student. It’s inappropriate and dangerous.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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