Vengeful vibe demands real attention

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This article was published 25/08/2021 (1863 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m married to a scary woman. She can wait forever to get revenge.

At her high school reunion dance a few years ago, I was bored while she visited with everyone she knew.

Then this pretty woman started flirting with me. We danced a lot. By the time the dancing got slow, she was drunk and I admit I was, too. She was all crushed up against me. Then she kissed me on the mouth. My wife came on the dance floor, grabbed me and pulled me out to the car.

She did and said nothing. In fact, she acted so unemotional, I thought I’d gotten away with it.

But, this summer, she got even. My newly-divorced brother drove a long way to visit us. In the gene pool, he got everything I didn’t — thick hair, good looks, muscled body. My wife obviously took to him and she suggested he come up to the lake with us.

She treated him like a movie star up there — couldn’t do enough for him! Then on his last night (she was drinking a lot), right in front of me, she taught him how to do the tango — like having sex, standing up. Using my good-looking brother, she pounded me into the ground.

I slept in the boat house. My wife took my brother in the boat to his car the next morning. When she came back, I told her how I felt — humiliated and disgusted with her. All she said was: “Now you know how I felt at my high school reunion.”

We’re barely speaking, and I feel like I’m married to some kind of avenging witch. I don’t think I want to go any further with her in life, or have children.

— Married to a Cobra, Winnipeg

Dear Married to a Cobra: If there was ever a “good” time to break up a marriage, it’s before you start having children. But, before you do that, it’d be a smart idea to take this marriage into emergency counselling.

I think this may not be a case of lack of love, but the lack of a way to process the pain you cause each other.

One question you have to ask yourself is: Why didn’t you extricate yourself from that drunk woman at the reunion — the one who was humiliating your wife in front of everyone she knew from high school? You thought you “got away with it” because she was too traumatized to even talk about it. Your wife stuffed the jealousy deep inside, possibly because she couldn’t bear to have a terrible fight and walk away from you for good. But then, years later, when the golden opportunity came along, she couldn’t hold back.

Oddly, I think there’s still hope for you two if you get into counselling. Even if you can’t get it together again, you both need to learn problem solving and communication for close relationships, so you can have healthier relationships down the road.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a girl up at the lake this summer, and now we’re going to be apart because she lives by the lake, and I live in the city.

She said, “I guess this means we’re going to have to say goodbye soon,” and I said, “Why? We could talk online and on the phone.” She says she wants a real boyfriend during the year and maybe we can get back together next summer. I don’t think she feels the same way about me as I do for her.

— Am I Just a Laugh? Winnipeg

Dear Laugh: I’m sure your relationship wasn’t “just a laugh” but 10 months is a long time for a young girl, and maybe you, too. Who knows, you might meet someone at your school you really like when you get back into class.

I know of some camp counsellors who had a romance every summer for a few years at the same camp, but were free throughout the school year to date. Still, they preferred to be with each other every summer. Some of those relationships lasted until they went to university together and beyond.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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