Realign friendship after biting remarks

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This article was published 02/09/2021 (1855 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend had very crooked teeth, but big, beautiful blue eyes. She honestly looked better with her COVID mask on. At the beginning of the summer, I made the mistake of telling her how pretty she looked with her mask on, and she said, “You’re saying that because it covers up my ugly teeth! Thanks a lot!”

I couldn’t convince her I didn’t mean that, because I guess I did. Well, the truth hurts, and I hurt her badly. She stopped talking to me, and that really wounded me. We had been friends for so many years.

She’s almost 30, has a great job and is a miser. She could easily afford braces for her teeth, and she really needed them.

The other day I saw her in traffic at a stoplight. She was in a new red car, and had no mask on, window down. She turned and looked at me and pulled a false smile, baring her teeth and I saw the braces in her mouth! I gave her a thumbs up, but she gave me the finger. Should I call her? I really miss her!

— Best Friends Forever? River Heights

Dear Forever: It’d be very hard for her to call you, so make the first move! She wants you to, or she wouldn’t have showed you her teeth. She could have looked away, and kept her secret. Even giving you the finger is an indicator she wants to interact, but it might involve her telling you off first — so let her! Then apologize humbly and ask her for a ride in her new red car. It looks like she’s embarking on a shiny new stage of her life, and you two should be friends again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 13-year-old teenage daughter has just informed me she’s bisexual. I was in shock. I’m so confused and upset. Bisexual? I asked her why she thought this. She said, in school her sex education class was taught about all the different types of sexual orientations. And, she felt bisexuality fit her the best. Then she threw in: “Why limit my choices?” I didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry.

My daughter is not too popular. I feel she’s trying to fit in, or somehow get accepted into a group. Sexuality, as I understand it, isn’t something you just choose; it more or less chooses you. I don’t know what to do, if anything. Teenagers are dealing with so much uncertainty, not to mention the raging hormonal thing. The more I look on the internet for information, the more confused I get. Is she bisexual, or just trying to fit in?

— Totally Confused Mama, Winnipeg

Dear Confused Mama: These days, there’s not as much shame cast on people who are gay or bi as there once was, and your daughter’s comment about improving her chances was pretty amusing, although she wasn’t joking.

Thirteen can be a crazy age! The world is opening up, and there are so many things you think you might want to be and do. That starts to include sexual possibilities. In some crowds now, it’s considered cool for a girl to have a girlfriend, as well as be seeing guys. (Still not considered so cool for guys to have bisexual interests). But more young people than ever before, admit to having kissed both a guy and a girl, or having gone even further — but most end up with a preference for one sex.

Your daughter is lucky she has you as her mom. She knows you will listen to her as she tries to sort things out. Just support her, encourage open conversation and always let her know you love her, unconditionally. In her dating life, she may experiment — and hopefully she’ll find someone just right for her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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