Get serious with each other or move on

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This article was published 22/09/2021 (1836 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend wants back into living at my house. I kicked her out after I caught her cheating with a friend of mine. I had noticed she almost drooled whenever he visited me, and he was coming around more and more often.

When she said she was working late again, I had a hunch it was a lie and about who she might be with. I found her car parked behind his house at 2 a.m. The only light on was in the bedroom.

She’d told me she was working the midnight shift. I wouldn’t exactly call what she was doing “work.”

I threw her clothes in a suitcase on my lawn, and left a message on her phone to come and get them. When she called back, she protested they “didn’t really do it.” As if that should count.

Now she’s been living at his place for two weeks. He told her tonight he doesn’t want her as a permanent guest, and to find another place. She really doesn’t want to go back to her parents, and she’s begging me to take her back.

The thing is I still love her, but she does mean things when she’s drinking. She really hurt me, and with a “buddy” of mine too. I don’t want her homeless, but I don’t want to look like a fool taking her back.

To be honest, I haven’t been exactly true-blue myself, and thought she didn’t know. But she flung it at me — that she did know — and that’s why she thought she’d secretly get even.

What do you think? I’m getting too old for this. She says she loves me, and has always loved me.

— Messed Up at 29, Fort Rouge

Dear Messed Up: You two can’t limp along the way things have been going, as the cheating hurts too much when you both love each other — or so you believe.

Are you capable of being true, or do you still want variety? If you need casual partners, you need people who aren’t hurt by you, and who don’t need to get even.

Or, do you want this woman to yourself, now you have admitted to yourself you love her and she says she loves you? Could you two finally commit to each other? It’s something to think about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a sexually alive bisexual woman in my mid-20s, and sleeping alone is getting to me. My last boyfriend and I broke up six weeks ago after spending all COVID together so far. But, going out looking for a new lover seems too risky.

I experimented with a woman in my first year of university and she and I had a six-month relationship that was very warm and comfortable. Then she went away to grad school in Ontario. We parted as friends.

I started seeing a few fun and intelligent guys then. It’s the personality that counts for me, not whether they’re male or female.

Now there’s this other woman who’s come into my sphere from Ontario, with a phone introduction from my ex-girlfriend — so weird! I do find this new woman quite attractive. I’d definitely trust her to be safe COVID-wise, more than I would a man.

I wondered aloud if she and my ex ever had a thing together. She said, “No!”

— Kind of Tempted, University of Manitoba

Dear Kind of Tempted: People are understandably afraid to go out hunting for a new sweetheart because of COVID fears and the probability of a fourth wave continues to make it tough.

So why not spend some time with this attractive person who’s fallen right into your social zone, like a gift. See how it goes. It may just last a short while, but at least both of you will have found a new friend — or perhaps lover — at a time when it’s very difficult to find a new romance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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