Give mom and her old flame some space

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/09/2021 (1790 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A man at least twice my age approached me at my new workplace and asked if he could talk to me. He said I was a dead ringer for somebody he once knew, and asked me what my mother’s maiden name was. I told him, and he lit up!

It turns out he’d been interested in dating my beautiful mother long ago. She admitted she was attracted too, but she already had a fiancé.

He said he never forgot her, and he’s divorced now. I told him my mother has been widowed for quite a long time. He asked me to say hello to her for him. That night I called her to say “hello,” and she was all flustered. She actually wanted to make contact with him. He’s in management where I work. Should I really be doing this?

— Daughter in the Middle, Downtown

Dear Daughter: Why not? Your mom’s interested and so is this man after all these years. Plus, they’re single again at the same time — a piece of luck for them both. Ask your mom how she wants to handle making contact, and go with that.

Then say to both of them, nicely: “The rest is up to you,” and stick by that. Resist the temptation to phone your mom for juicy details. You have to keep your nose out of this now!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lifelong friend and I always go for an end-of-summer holiday at our favourite lake retreat. We do a lot of catching up, some late-night drinking and order a lot of room service — usually loads of fun! We both have families and demanding careers in the city.

But, this time was so embarrassing. I left before we even checked into our suite! The clerk said we’d need to show vaccination proof if we wanted to use any of the facilities — pool, weight room and restaurant.

I went into my wallet to retrieve my vaccination card when I heard my friend raising her voice, saying, “Absolutely not!” and yelling, “My privacy and rights are being infringed on.”

I tried to calm her. Then she turned on me, and yelled: “You’re a sheep! You’re being brainwashed!” What? Everybody in the lobby was looking at us. With a red face, I picked up my suitcase and said, “So sorry about this!” to the clerk, then hurried out to my car and drove home.

Now, my “friend” has been calling, texting, and messaging me, about how “horrible” a friend I am for leaving. How do I respond?

— Scared to Pick Up the Phone, Transcona

Dear Scared: You can’t continue to let this old friend — or anybody else for that matter — embarrass you in public, call you names or harass you.

There are boundaries and rules to friendships, just like romances. Have you expressed everything you need to say to this woman? You’re being harassed — cut off contact with her.

You can block people on your phone or online very quickly. If she comes banging at your door, you don’t have to let her in. If she writes you a letter, scan to see if it’s an apology and decide if you want to finish reading it or not. If it’s more nastiness, throw it in the garbage without even finishing it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: If a man says, “I don’t usually date woman as big as you are,” should you go out with him? He was thinking of taking me to an event; he has expensive tickets.

— Thinking It Over, St. James

Dear Thinking: The expensive tickets don’t offset the comment where he implied he was doing you, a bigger girl than he usually likes, the favour of a date. Why would you even want him as a friend? Nobody needs an offensive person in their social life, period.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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