Unexpected ‘odd couple’ vibe irksome

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/09/2021 (1444 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband hid parts of his true self from me when I was falling in love with him. He pushed for an early marriage, too.

We got married in a COVID-tiny wedding this summer. His mouthy kid sister was drunk on the free wedding liquor. She sidled up to me and said, “We thought we’d never get him married off! He’s such a slob, and he goes to bed at 9 o’clock in those old man pyjamas! Hahaha!”

I thought she was joking, and brushed her off. Apparently, she was dead on. To attract a woman, after too many years as a bachelor, her big brother changed up his game.

When I met him, he’d ditched the pyjamas, had a nicely decorated apartment and a cleaning lady. He drank coffee all evening just to be up with me and make love with me — his “night owl.” I thought that was so sweet.

One month after the wedding, he let the cleaning lady go and soon had his pyjamas back out of the apartment locker downstairs.

It turns out he’s a terrible slob, never does dishes or vacuums, and leaves everything out all over the place. Ugh! I throw all his dirty stuff in one corner of the bedroom, and with the dirty dishes in the kitchen, it doesn’t smell very fresh in here anymore.

He’s also ditched the coffee habit, and is yawning at 9 p.m. and wanting sleep when I’m just starting to come to life. I want to “get busy” later.

Don’t get me wrong. I love everything else about his personality and big heart. But, I’d never have agreed to share my living space with him if I knew how mismatched we were. How can I fix this now? I may call him “Baby,” but I’m not his mother.

— Disillusioned New Bride, Osborne Village

Dear Disillusioned: He owes it to you to re-fix those bad habits. Inform him he needs to rehire the cleaning service and you’ll split the cost. He also needs to embrace the coffee-maker again — as you want honeymoon sex in the evenings.

To meet in the middle, buy him a sexy men’s robe and silk pyjamas and agree to make love no later than 10:30 p.m., during the week. Weekends are different — he can stay up late and have a wild time and sleep in the next morning.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t believe people are meant to be monogamous all their lives, so I’ve always felt OK about having the odd casual sex experience, usually when I’m out of town. My wife feels the same way about casual sex — or so she said before we got married.

She used to be part of a long-term threesome, before she met me. She claimed they all “loved” each other. Right! That made me roll my eyes.

Well, lately I found out she’s drifted back to this threesome, though she swears she loves me “in a much bigger way.”

Then why do I feel so small and insignificant all of a sudden? I asked her if I could join in, and she said, “No, it wouldn’t work.” Now I can’t think about anything else. Please help me.

— Suddenly Jealous, Winnipeg

Dear Jealous: Seeing others here and there, just for sex, still felt good —to you. But, after you said your marriage vows, it’s quite possible your wife didn’t like the idea anymore. So, rather than say anything, she quietly went back to her intimate threesome.

She doesn’t want to share you with her friends, who love each other. You think they’re silly, and she knows that. For you, extramarital sex is just a lark. But their little love-and-sex trio is an emotional and sexual combo — so it’s threatening to your marriage. Consider this: If you were to commit yourself fully to your wife for love and sex, and follow through (and she could believe you), she might not need her old trio again.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.