Past is far too present in relationship

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/09/2021 (1447 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was going to university almost 10 years ago, a few of my girlfriends were “dating” men to help make ends meet. When I found out how much money they were making in a night — while I was busting my butt waiting tables for scraps — it blew my mind!

I started “dating” and the cash was amazing. I made enough money to put myself through school and pay my rent and all my day-to-day expenses.

I knew that when I finished my university courses I’d leave that life behind — and I did. I started my career and never looked back — until today when I’m almost 30. My past has come to hit me in the face!

The man I’ve started to fall for brought me home to meet his family. What a horrible surprise when my boyfriend introduced me to his mom and dad. His father was one of my “dates.” I thought his father was going to have a stroke.

The evening was very uncomfortable. Partway through dinner, I made up an excuse about feeling sick, and left.

I’ve not answered my boyfriend’s knocks at the door, calls or texts — nothing! When I was “dating,” I never thought past the money. I never thought my past would catch up with me either. Now, this is all a think about.

Thankfully, I have a career that I can pick up and move to another province. But do I want to keep running? Am I always going to be looking over my shoulder?

Should I confess to this boyfriend what I did to get through school? Or should I move and start anew?

— In a Risky Situation, Winnipeg

Dear Risky: You were right to remove yourself from this family. You don’t need the complications of a serious partner/husband whose dad used to pay you for sexual services.

Unlike many situations, this one is best left alone with no explanation, except to tell the boyfriend you suddenly realized it wouldn’t work out for you two, and you panicked and bolted.

The real truth would mess him up, and ruin the relationship with his father. It’d also be horrible for his mom if she found out her husband was seeing young women for paid sex — and one of them was you!

But, do you really need to move to another province? Only do it if you are now seriously worried about your past coming out. You’re definitely less likely to run into former customers somewhere other than in the place you went to university.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young husband can’t cook and he’s not faking it. We’ve been working from home since early COVID days and trying to alternate cooking nights, but he is clueless, and I’m not much better.

His mother would have liked to be a chef — and used to shoo everybody out of the kitchen, so she could “work her magic.” Her kids did the dishes every night, and there were tons of them.

My husband was hoping that I’d turn out to be a cook like his mother after we got married. Didn’t happen, and we’re blowing serious money on junky takeout. So, now what?

— Both Hungry for Home-cooked Food, Island Lakes

Dear Hungry: You can’t split the cooking and cleaning job in this marriage. It’s going to take two of you working together in the kitchen to make dinners, plus an investment in a good dishwasher, if you don’t have one.

Go to a book store together (or look online) and pick out some cookbooks that suit your tastes in food. Tackle those recipes together. Pick out 10 dishes you’re going to learn, for starters. The internet can help with cooking terms for you.

Turn on some great upbeat music, and it could be fun. Some people even dance in the kitchen. Could be a great adventure!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.