Lay down the law with lascivious ma

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This article was published 13/10/2021 (1815 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m angry because last weekend my mother shamelessly flirted with my new boyfriend, who is older than I am by 12 years. This man is dark and handsome, like her ex-husband — my dear dad.

My mother married because she was pregnant in her very early 20s. She was not in love with my father, but he was a good man. She cheated on him after she had me, and in the end he left her. He was always wonderful to me, and still is.

On the weekend at a barbecue at her house, out back by the pool, she knocked herself out and wore a sexy red bikini top and wrap. She is attracted to my new man. (It’s obvious we have the same taste in looks.)

My man mentioned on the way home from the barbecue that my mom was obviously making me uncomfortable, and that she made him feel uncomfortable, too. I said I wasn’t having any more of her nonsense and would not be bringing him over again. He didn’t say anything, just nodded.

I phoned my mom later that night and told her the same. She laughed like she didn’t believe me. She still thinks she’s some kind of movie star in her 40s. She was drinking too many martinis as usual, and sounded inebriated.

So now what? This man and I are falling for each other. This could really go somewhere for both of us, but that means distancing myself from my mother. You see what a mess I’m in? Please help.

— Interfering Mother, Westwood

Dear Interfering: This is the time when you grow up completely, and finally lay down the law with your mother. See Mom on your own for the next while, so your relationship with him can develop without her interference. There’s no need for him to visit her with you.

If she asks why you don’t bring him over, tell her the truth: She was flirting with him, and neither you nor he liked it. So, that’s why she gets to see you alone for now. Stick to your guns on this!

If your relationship with this man sizzles and then fizzles without her interference, nothing needs to be done. If it builds into something permanent, you can re-introduce him. If Mom starts flirting, he is going to have to tell her himself that he loves you, and will not have her acting that way. If he doesn’t, he’s not the man for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend cooked me a surprise dinner, and I couldn’t eat it. I didn’t know she was doing it and we’d been so busy doing other things (wink, wink!) on our first few dates, we never really discussed my food sensitivities.

She’d spent so much time on this surprise dinner, so she was upset and really put the pressure on. She said, “Come on, just try a little bit! I worked so hard on this. A few bites won’t hurt you.”

I said, “No, I’ll be sick in your bathroom and then sick for two days after.“ She started to cry and raise her voice, saying I was “exaggerating” and “didn’t care about all the trouble she went to.” I finally had to leave her alone, with her fancy dinner, which would have caused hell for me. It’s too bad, because I was really starting to like her.

— Embarrassed Allergy Guy, East Kildonan

Dear Allergy Guy: When you have allergies, it’s important to mention the food sensitivities and allergies on the first date. Yes, it can be a little bit of a turn-off for your date, but you need to do it, to avoid scenes like this one. Make your talk casual and positive. Finish by telling your dates what you can eat with no problems and which restaurants and food stores you go to for foods that don’t hurt you.

You could phone this new lady back, and tell her you liked her and are sorry you had to leave. Try to have a calm talk about your allergies. She may snort and hang up on you — and that’s OK. It’s a quick sorting mechanism.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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