Spoiled son must step up for family’s sake

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This article was published 23/11/2021 (1727 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You missed a couple of important things in your response to Guilty Mother, who is shocked her wealthy son never helps his stay-at-home wife with the housework or their children. He holds his mother up as the perfect example of an at-home wife and mother.

You suggested this man won’t likely change, but with his big money he could hire a housekeeper several days a week, and his mother could volunteer to help his wife.

That poor wife probably feels she can never do anything right! What if she already resents her mother-in-law after being compared to her?

Guilty Grandma needs to say in front of her son and daughter-in-law what a wonderful mother the children have and what a good job she does — amazingly, with no help!

Yes, Grandma can offer to help with the kids, but the son will just continue to see it as “women’s work” and God help the situation if the grandkids are boys learning from Dad. They need to learn it’s everyone’s work to run a house and family.

Grandma should privately tell the daughter-in-law she raised a spoiled son and she’s willing to help, in order to change things in the future and make sure the family stays together. The daughter-in-law needs to hear that other people in the family see her stress, and acknowledge all she’s doing!

— Some Added Suggestions, Winnipeg

Dear Suggestions: Thanks for your sensitive take on the issue. Women with wealthy young husbands are sometimes expected to stay home 24-7 with the children, do all the housework and be grateful for the palace. But they need modern freedoms and also be part of the world outside the home.

Are they happy? Some are, but many aren’t, and I suspect this marriage is close to the breaking point.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a wonderful boyfriend and we’re both going to university. Our two sets of parents — both of which immigrated to Canada — are worried sick about our love relationship. If this were “back home” they’d be pushing us off to get married so the bride remains “pure.”

My strong-willed boyfriend lives with his parents and they are more liberal — they know they’d lose him otherwise.

How can I get my parents to stop giving him the evil eye? He isn’t pushing me for sex, but they act like he might be.

I always worry when I bring him home, so it’s become less and less often, and they are worried he’s getting ready to throw me over.

My boyfriend and I have no memories of the old country. But, of course, my mom tries to instil the old values and habits in me. It’s not working very well, and there are arguments with my parents now, which are rooted in suspicions about my sweet boyfriend.

— Sick of Suspicions, West End

Dear Sick of Suspicions: Start inviting your boyfriend over so much they can’t help but get to know the nice guy he is. Playing board games or card games popular in the old country might ease this relationship into a more relaxed situation.

Then he can let them know in a pleasant, casual way, they needn’t worry about him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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