Not-so-welcome pet names curbing desire

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This article was published 17/01/2022 (1389 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is 14 years younger than me, and it never bothered her before. But recently, I’ve been kind of down and depressed, and don’t feel like making love. She says it’s just the “COVID Blues.” I’m not ill with the virus, but it is true I’m in a low, unsexy mood these days.

I work from home, and I’ll admit I’m afraid to go out socially again with Omicron and other types of COVID out there. So, I just play on my computer and cook comfort foods for both of us. Yes, I’m putting on some weight, but so is she, though not where it counts.

She doesn’t realize it, but she’s hurt my feelings several times by calling me names like “Big Guy” (I’m short, so that can only mean I’m fat) and “Chubs.” She claims these are “pet names.” Right! If I called her “Piglet,” she’d be offended.

This morning, when I woke up and didn’t feel like responding to her busy hands, she said, “Well, what did I expect, marrying an old man!” Ouch! I felt the rest of my desire go into lockdown. I recognize this is not good. I do love her. Where do we go from here?

— COVID is Killing Us, St. Boniface

Dear Killing Us: COVID is not killing your love life. Angry feelings about having to stay home are doing that job. You’re mad because you can’t go out to play.

However, you still have your health. It’ll get even better if you take your sweetheart’s hand and start going out walking after you’ve finished working. You both could to lose some of the lockdown weight, so get your blood pumping somewhat with activity. Plus, you’re safe outdoors from COVID.

If you two aren’t great at extended conversations, play some upbeat music on your smartphone and have some fun in the snow. You’re sure to get back good feelings for one other, and spark your sex drive. Then she will have to stop thinking you’re turning into an old man.

You should also have a calm word with your wife about her pet names for you which may be more barbed than playful. Let her know they’re counterproductive as they make you anything but more romantic and that she should think about changing them up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a few thoughts about the letter from “Don’t Want to Lose Him,” the single woman whose best male buddy recently got married.

This new wife wants to set her up with a guy. (I suggested to stop visiting this couple and go back to enjoying their “old buddy friendship” in phone calls and occasional lunches. —Miss L.)

I’m sympathetic to the new wife who may be hoping some boundaries be respected between her husband and this too-close-for-comfort “best buddy.” Perhaps the wife has gotten a sense more has gone on during this long friendship than is being admitted, and she’s not interested in an open relationship.

If the female buddy of her husband was at least open to the idea of dating other people, the wife might feel more comfortable. Otherwise the private phone calls, coffees and lunches will add to the disrespect the wife feels, and surely end this new marriage.

— Wondering, Wolseley

Dear Wondering: The old female buddy has had a lot of years to romance this particular guy, if she wanted to, but was fine with him marrying someone else. It’s very doubtful anybody’s looking for a threesome or an open marriage.

A lot of single guys, who are going without love and sex, are OK with a female buddy turning up the heat in a friendship, but that doesn’t seem to be the tone of this old friendship. She’s just not into dating anybody. His new wife is more than a little jealous and a drinker, so who knows what will happen next?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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