Stop papering over broken marriage and move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/04/2022 (1581 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Almost a year ago, I fell out of love when my bisexual wife started carrying on with a female “best friend.”

My wife lives at home with me, and is still mothering our children. There’s no love left for me, and never any happy conversations. We don’t even sleep in the same room.

It got so tense, I thought I’d have to leave or else I’d go crazy. Then, a few months ago I found a new woman who’s also lonely in her marriage, and we started seeing each other secretly.

My wife found out about us after she found a love note in my jeans pocket in the laundry. I was carrying it around so I could re-read it, when I felt down. Nobody has loved me for such a long time.

My wife was mad, but she doesn’t have a leg to stand on, as she cheated first. But, for some reason, she’s giving me big grief over my new woman, as if she’s jealous. She can’t have two lovers! Anyway, I don’t want her anymore.

Everything in my life is in confusion and I really don’t know what to do.

— Miserable Situation, rural Manitoba

Dear Miserable: Now that there are two couples, it’s time to get that fact out in the open and deal with it honestly. At this point, you and your wife need to work out a plan for two separate households.

Once you have your own places and child-sharing arrangements worked out, you can start dating your new lady friend publicly. However, she will need to free herself, and that may be difficult. Be prepared. She may not even want to go public if all she wanted was a fling.

Yes, it’s a messy situation. Breaking up marriages with kids in the middle can rarely be anything else, but you need to start living honestly so you have a chance at a loving relationship again.

You think the kids have no idea what’s going on? They probably aren’t saying much, as they have so much to lose. Still, “the walls have ears” and they probably know way more about what’s going on than you think.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother chain-smokes everywhere, including her car. I’m 22 and live out now, but my siblings at home complain about Mom’s smoking to me.

She used to be a drinker — never really drunk, but always “stewed” as my aunties would say. I was so glad when she kicked the booze, but she’s making up for it now by smoking her face off.

What can I say to her? Is there anything else I can do?

— Smoker’s Oldest Daughter, Fort Rouge

Dear Oldest: You can afford to go to bat for your younger siblings, now that you’re living out. Ask for something so reasonable that Mom can’t refuse, such as: “Now that spring is here, please encourage the kids to roll the windows down when you’re smoking. I know they’d appreciate it.”

She may pretend to agree, just to have peace, so make sure to tell your younger siblings what the new deal is.

Also, hit the dollar store and buy your mom a big bag of assorted chewing gum. That’s one way a smoker can get past the cravings for the duration of a car ride — and the kids can chew along with her.

Stop by your mom’s house and ask for her keys so you can put the surprise gift in the car for her, along with a card that reads something like: “For you and the gang, with love.” That way she won’t chuck the gift.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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