Honesty, openness key to finding real connection

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/04/2022 (1581 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a graduate student who sometimes travels alone. I recently met a woman in her 40s on a much-needed trip.

She was in Mexico, travelling alone. She was beautiful with sea-green eyes. We walked miles and miles together, through the water and down the beaches. We told each other our whole life stories.

Then one day, she mentioned she was married. I’d already guessed as much. She wore no rings, but had lighter skin at the base of one finger. She admitted she was taking a vacation from her marriage — as was her husband.

She thanked me for helping her straighten out her mind so she could go home and break up with him! It was all his idea to travel as separately as two “single” people. She said she realized what he was looking for — a guilt-free vacation from being faithful. He’s having his mid-life crisis, she said. What a jerk.

She said she wants to find a guy with values, who still believes in love — more like me, but more her age. I’m 27.

Then she kissed me for the first and last time, and walked away. No mistake, it was a passionate kiss! I can’t get her out of my mind.

I flew home the day after. I’ve tried to find her on Facebook, but she isn’t there. I tried other ways, but no luck. Maybe she told me a fake name. I don’t care. I really miss her!

I’ve never been honest with a woman like that before. We talked about everything, even if it didn’t make us look good. I feel bonded by that honesty and realize how the “cool guy” I try to sell to women my age doesn’t get me feeling anywhere near as close.

So why did she make sure I couldn’t find her again? She knows how to find me. It hurts!

— Missing Her Badly, south Winnipeg

Dear Missing Her: The relationship affected her too — note the passionate kiss at the end. But, the “age and stage” difference didn’t work for her. Nearly 20 years is a big difference, and can be tricky as people make cruel jokes with “cougar” and “mother/son” references.

This lady has already had a marriage. You’re just getting ready for a big relationship, so it likely wouldn’t have worked.

Still, to honour the woman you met, look for a person around your own age with a similar personality who is mature and values a courageously honest relationship. At home now, it’s time to start showing the warm and honest guy you really are, under that cool image.

If you believe in fate, this woman may have come into your life just when you needed to learn that important lesson.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in trouble for biting again. I call them “my little love bites,” but, my boyfriend said if I bite him again, we’re finished.

I just get this urge to bite when I get stirred up passionately or I’m nervous — or I feel like making trouble!

— Biter Needing Advice, West Kildonan

Dear Biter: You need to meet a different boyfriend who also likes to give little love bites when the mood strikes him. Then you’ll find out if you actually like them yourself. That’s the whole point. You don’t know what it feels like, because nobody bites you back.

You need to find out what it’s like to worry if a passionate moment is going to be followed by a sharp pain in your earlobe — or a different tender spot.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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