Don’t let newly fit hubby bully you over body

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This article was published 09/05/2022 (1570 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband lost a lot of weight for a special birthday, and turned himself into a real hottie. I’m not the only person who thinks so, unfortunately. The women at his work used to weigh him at the office every week on a big work scale. He’d be the centre of attention, and it kept him motivated. He was their pet project. Now he’s such a weight-loss convert, he nags me to lose my 35 extra pounds.

I gained them after giving birth to his children — the ones I carried for nine months each! How dare he look at me sideways and give me “helpful hints” for losing my rolls. I do want to lose weight, but can’t with him bugging me. He doesn’t understand this, the oaf. Please help.

— My Body, My Business, Windsor Park

Dear My Body: Enjoy the stealth of this little plan: Talk to your doctor about the healthiest fitness program for you, and secretly follow it. If your husband mentions it looks like you’re finally losing weight, just say “must be magic!” and smile.

Sure, your guy will probably figure things out at some point, but try to keep it a secret until you lose enough weight that you’ll stay motivated on your own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out with my new boyfriend watching a basketball game and I spotted my old boyfriend who came walking by us. He’d grown his hair out.

I looked at one guy and then the other and then back again like a bobble-head. They looked like brothers. How had I missed this? I obviously have a type — brown eyes, lanky but muscled build, long dark hair. I caught my ex staring at my new guy and me, and I was embarrassed. Obviously, I went out and found myself a dead-ringer for him.

I talked to my mom about this and she laughed. She pulled out an old picture album. There was my dad at around 17 when she was first dating him. He was tall, slim, with basketball player arms and dark hair tied back in a ponytail. Is this sick? What is wrong with me?

— Embarrassed Daddy’s Girl, Fort Garry

Dear Embarrassed: Lots of girls who loved their daddies growing up subconsciously pick guys who remind them of how their dads looked way back when they were kids. There’s nothing wrong with that! It’s an image they have in the back of their minds, of a lovable man. Girls who did not get on well with their fathers often look for the exact opposite in looks and personality — and quite consciously, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young 50, and my new love is in her late 30s. We both used to have marriages that people were envious of, although they were both pretty much dead sexually. Then we met each other at a bonfire party, and that was it — the beginning of the end. We were both dissatisfied, and there was an instant connection.

We knew we weren’t supposed to be together, so we started drinking and looking straight across the bonfire at each other. We got pretty hammered and made excuses to wander off. After the first kiss behind an old garage, the sexual fire was so hot we stayed there too long, and got caught. We are both recently separated.

We have sacrificed everything, but now it’s complicated because there’s so much anger. For instance, her husband told her kids I’m a terrible man, and my ex-wife only communicates to me online now. It’s a nasty, horrible mess.

What can my new woman and I do? We’re both in decent financial positions, but nobody wants to see us together as a couple, except the two of us.

— Fooled Around, Fell in Lust, Winnipeg outskirts

Dear Fooled and Fell: You need a professional counselling crew. Start the process by going to see a relationship counsellor alone, and explain the whole complicated situation. Very soon, your new lady could also go there, on her own.

A week later, you should go together and figure out what — if anything — you want as a couple. Also, you need to know what might be your options for co-parenting with your exes. You both may need family/divorce lawyers as well. And you, sir, might try to convince the children’s mom to come and talk with you and your counsellor, even knowing she might tell you to get lost. It’s worth a try at a more peaceful relationship, though it may be too early for that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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