Give stressed cottage buddy a bit of time and space

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/05/2022 (1566 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I have started going up to the lake on weekends, no matter what the weather. We have a heated cottage and wonderful neighbours. I miss them in the winter time.

However, there was a big, unwanted surprise this weekend — a for-sale sign. Our best lake friends are selling! The husband was there alone, sweeping the cabin out. He wasn’t into telling us why, other than, “We’re not together anymore.” I wondered why he was so tight-lipped with me. Were we somehow at fault? Finally, I found somebody who lives there year-round, who knows them. Apparently, my girlfriend has another man!

Who knew that was coming? I certainly didn’t. She and I have been best beach buddies every summer and talked about everything. With our husbands, we were two fun couples. I mistakenly thought she and her husband were crazy about each other!

Would it be in bad taste for me to get hold of her and find out what’s happening?

— Missing My Friend Already, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Missing My Friend: Since your friendship didn’t extend past summers — and things are still raw with the husband — leave the situation alone for now. It’s sad you’ve lost your beach pal, but even sadder for her husband who’s alone there packing up their cottage and memories. He doesn’t need to hear you’re missing her. In fact, he may think you know a lot more than you do about the other man.

You might drop your friend a note online, telling her you’re sorry she won’t be there at the beach and that you’ll miss her. Who knows, she might contact you. If it’s too early for her to talk, be patient. When the cottage sells and things settle, she may come looking for you one day up at the beach you both love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wanted to support your response to the writer who signed off as “Laughing at Me?” It’s the guy whose wife sometimes laughs during sex. (I said laughing can arise from deep relaxation and happiness. —Miss L.) Well, several years ago, my husband asked me why I sometimes giggled during sex. My response was “because it’s joyful!” That seemed to make him happy.

— Still Giggling, Manitoba

Dear Still Giggling: Thanks for sharing your enjoyable experience. Here’s hoping “Laughing at Me?” — who unfortunately feels self-conscious when his lady giggles — will digest this idea. And here’s hoping he may start laughing in bed with her, in the future.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read the letter from “Laughing at Me?” and I couldn’t help but think “that lucky guy!” Sometimes my wife breaks down and cries during sex! She claims it’s because she’s so “touched by the tenderness.” I’m not sure if she’s making that up. She’s a polite woman, from a very polite culture.

What do you think? I keep saying, “Please stop crying, sweetheart!”

— Worried Husband, Silver Heights

Dear Worried: You need to investigate further, with soft questions like: “Does it hurt anywhere? Are you unhappy? What are you thinking about now?” If it turns out she is crying because she’s touched emotionally, you can gently brush away her tears, and relax. It seems you are doing something right, even if you don’t totally understand what it is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have one of the most generous friends. She never forgets a birthday, a special date, nothing. I’m simply not as sentimental, and I can’t fake it. I just dig out hasty dollar store presents to give her something back right away. They don’t measure up, and I know it.

My boyfriend says I’m blind and that it’s not generosity but my friend has a “girl crush” on me. This week she gave me spring flowers with “Just Because” written on the card. Maybe he’s right.

I must have looked confused. I kind of thanked her, “for her thoughtfulness,” and when I was in the kitchen putting the flowers in a vase, she left.

I called, texted and even walked to her place a few blocks away. She wouldn’t answer the door, even though her car was there. What’s going on?

— Can’t Match Her Gift Giving, Fort Richmond

Dear Can’t Match: You’ve been thinking this woman’s many gifts are expressions of her unusual “generosity.” Instead, she may be trying to express the deepening emotions she’s feeling for you, but can’t say in words. The “Just Because” flowers were a strong hint — no holiday to celebrate, just a big feeling.

There’s a good chance your boyfriend is right about a crush, so it’s time to let this woman stay away and heal. Her feelings are obviously not returned by you. She gets that now, and is probably hurting.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography