You’d regret not catching up with old flame

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/05/2022 (1547 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a wonderful boyfriend in high school who disappeared from my life when I was in Grade 12. He said he was “going to see the world.”

He broke my heart when he left me like that, and he didn’t ever contact me again! His parents moved away from our town that year and I couldn’t even get secondhand news. I was very hurt, and I got really bitter. I would never mention his name.

I had no desire to take all those risks backpacking in other countries, as he was going to do. I never thought I’d see him again. To my amazement, he showed up online recently. He was trying to say hello to me on Facebook! At first, I didn’t recognize him with all his facial hair — but then I spotted his twinkly blue eyes.

Should I allow him into my life again, even for just one talk? I’m not as vulnerable as I was when he first left me at 17, but I’m not a tough woman either.

— Scared of What I’d Feel, southern Manitoba

Dear Scared: Sometimes we meet someone who might have been our great love — but it was way too early. You and he were just teenagers when you were going out together. Maybe he was afraid you two might be married at 18 with babies in the near future, and he’d never get to see any of the big world out there. He was curious and an adventurer. Denying him that experience would have made him bitter and he might have felt you were to blame.

This is a rare opportunity to ask all your questions and hear about his adventures. If you tell him to go away, you may waste a lot more time wondering what it might have been like to see him again. Why not agree to phone calls at least, and possibly a face-to-face visit? It will be one of your life’s adventures, and it will be a fascinating conversation, to say the least.

Also, give him the opportunity to apologize for hurting you. Maybe you two can work out some kind of friendship as adults, or even a romance, if he’s all travelled out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for “In Shock” who ran into her ex-boyfriend when he was in a suit and she was in sweat pants. (The last thing she’d said to him when breaking up years ago was, “You’re going to spend the rest of your life in sweat pants!” — Miss L.)

He did leave her his business card, so I think her next move could be phoning and saying: “So good to see you again, but I would like to make an apology — a proper one over lunch or dinner, all on me. What do think of that idea?”

—Helping Out, Winnipeg

Dear Helping Out: Great idea! I hope she does that and gets a positive response. Thanks for writing in with your thoughtful suggestion.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My shy recluse of a neighbour has always made fun of me and my “electronic friends,” but I guess she finally got as lonely as everybody else a few months ago. She recently surprised me and friended me on Facebook, and then she started showing a side of herself I never knew existed.

The way she comments on other people’s thoughts and beliefs is preachy and condemning! As it turns out, she has very strong religious beliefs, but the delivery of her messages is nasty and hurtful. According to her, a lot of people are going to “burn in the fires of hell” if they don’t straighten out.

She obviously doesn’t understand her comments can be sent around to thousands of others. (Or maybe she does, and she just loves the power!) At first, I thought I should tell her how Facebook really works, but after everything I’ve read from her, I’m questioning if I still want to be her friend online or off. What should I do, if anything?

— Shocked by Fire and Brimstone, East Kildonan

Dear Shocked: Ms. Hellfire needs to learn how her messages are coming across, and that they can be disseminated widely on social media. Also, she may suddenly find herself blocked by people she has annoyed and insulted. Speak frankly about this to her, and if she doesn’t like it and shows you her prickly side, show yourself the door and be happy to be gone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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