Reciprocal ink means having skin in the game

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/07/2022 (1569 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend has a tattoo with her ex-boyfriend’s name on her arm and a sentimental saying under it. I also have tattoos of ex-girlfriends’ first names, on my arms and upper body. It’s part of my life history, and I’m not embarrassed about it.

Now, this new girlfriend wants us to get “twin tattoos” — whatever the heck that is. I surprised her — and myself — by instantly yelling out, “No freaking way!” She wants to know: Why is it so important to me not to do that thing for her, when I’m fine with my old girlfriends being part of my body art?

— Just Can’t do it, Silver Heights

Dear Just Can’t: Some important lovers have come and gone in your life, and you’ve honoured them with your body art. But, from the negative words that came howling out of your gut, you already know this girlfriend is not a keeper.

Still, she already has strong emotions for you. She’s feeling insecure — and possessive. She’d like to nail you down as hers.

That means — at the very least — you getting a tattoo of her name on your body. Then she gets a tat in the same style, of your name. Since your subconscious has already informed you loudly, that’s never going to happen, why waste everybody’s time?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a romance with the beautiful mermaid next door. Her husband was away on business for a short time when it was blistering hot outside, and she invited me to swim in their pool. She was standing up on a ladder, looking over their pool enclosure fence at me. Who could resist that?

The coverage of an old hedge between our houses meant I could sneak into their pool area unseen by neighbours. Or, so we thought.

Too soon her husband returned home from his trip. A couple of days later, I came home from work and there were some workmen building a higher fence extension running further between our houses. Her husband did it on his own land. I’m feeling pretty uneasy. I don’t know what is safe for me to do or say now. What do you think — did my mermaid confess?

— Worried Guy Next Door, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: You need to talk to this “mermaid,” and find out what’s what. Ask what she told her husband and what he may have learned from an unspotted camera or a neighbour able to peek into their yard.

It’s interesting the husband didn’t confront you. This couple may have an open marriage, but with limits. She might have told her husband of your adventure, but he was not OK you living right next door. Hence, the fence! That fence is a strong non-verbal message for you to stay away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a wonderful man who may be “the One,” but he has a five-year-old male dog he absolutely loves. I’m allergic to dogs. As it currently stands, I can’t spend the night at his place because I’m unable to breathe. I always have to leave after the romance is over. What a letdown.

Obviously, I’m not going to marry someone I can’t live with! I don’t want to wait 10-plus years for the dog to die in order to get married and start a family.

How do I get this great guy to see it’s in his best interests to get rid of the dog?

— Impatient and Allergic, South Pointe

Dear Patiently: In whose best interests? The dog is a five-year family member of his, and they’re deeply bonded.

Canine-loving people generally don’t want to give up having dogs for life. You’d be best to look for a man who doesn’t have one, because he doesn’t like dogs or due to the fact he also has serious allergies.

By the way, saying you “don’t want to wait 10-plus years for the dog to die” is a wince-worthy statement. It tells a lot about your lack of sensitivity, not to mention your cold attitude toward animals and their owners’ feelings. Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography