Cottage contentment hindered by history

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This article was published 08/07/2022 (1497 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My recent ex-husband and I each own half our cabin, but it’s gotten weird. I didn’t want to give up my half, as I love my lake heaven — but so does he.

Since the breakup two years ago, my ex gets the cabin for one month in June and another in August. I get it in my favourite months of July and September. But, I don’t think I can stand it anymore!

Our busybody lake neighbour gossips to me about my husband’s activities with the new girlfriend — and it hurts to listen. She says she doesn’t like my ex’s new woman and thinks she’s a “snooty” witch. But now, I hear she says the same thing about me to the new girlfriend. It’s just getting sick around here.

We brought our kids here for many summers, and there are so many memories, but I’m starting to feel more and more upset and hurt. Our property is worth a lot now. Should I approach my husband to make a deal with him, or will I be sorry I gave up my lake?

— Hurting Ex-wife, cottage country

Dear Hurting: The point of breaking up “cleanly” is to get some distance, heal as best you can, and start new social lives. This back-and-forth arrangement you now have may work on paper, but in real life it keeps you stuck emotionally. It’s a jagged tear.

Let your ex buy you out now. Then purchase your own cabin in a different spot — perhaps at a different lake — where you can make completely new memories and new friends. Given a little time, it’ll become an exciting adventure for you.

As for the gossipy neighbour, who’s been playing you and the new woman off one other, cut her right off now. There’s no need to be a polite Canadian. Also, tell your ex-husband what she’s up to. It’s time that sneaky woman went home to her own cabin, and stayed there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best female friend wants to have a baby, as she’s pushing 35. She told me the other night she wants me (her best male friend) to be the father. “We could raise the baby as friends, and split the costs,” she said.

I also think it may be a plot to get me out of the friend zone and into the lover zone. She’s so not my type! To be brutally frank, I don’t like her physical looks, although I’d never insult her by saying that.

She’s starting to bug me frequently on the baby issue, so how do I tell her? She’s been a good friend to me for many years, and I don’t want to lose her friendship. — Unwilling Daddy Material, Selkirk

Dear Unwilling: Your friendship is at a crossroads. You will have to be blunt about this woman needing to look elsewhere for a co-parent. She might even be so hurt and mad that she’ll finally be freed up to find a guy who loves her and wants to be her husband and father to her babies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I reclaimed our sex life since the kids started driving to and back from the lake. The trick is this: We tell everyone they have to go home on Sunday afternoon by 3 p.m. — then we stay until Monday morning.

Sunday night, we go for a nude swim, play in the water as the sun’s going down and then go up to the cabin and light our favourite candle — the one that still makes us still look good — and we have a wonderful evening.

We can hardly wait to wave goodbye to company on the dock on Sunday afternoons. When my daughter recently asked me why Dad and I send everybody home early, I said bluntly: “Because it’s romance night,” and wiggled my eyebrows. She winced! I really hope she “gets it” and learns from it — to set aside intimate relationship time with her future husband. Do you think her dad and I are being selfish, denying our kids a full weekend?

— In Love With My Husband, Southdale

Dear In Love: The romance idea is lovely, and makes sense for preserving a great marriage, but you don’t need to be totally rigid about Sunday departures, especially on long weekends. On a weekend when no company is coming up, you and your man can make up for lost time!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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