You may lament not at least meeting secret sister

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/07/2022 (1161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had one heck of a bombshell dropped on me. My father passed away more than 40 years ago when I was 12. I thought I was an only child, and daddy’s little girl. He was my everything! Now, I find out he had a secret family and fathered another child who is a little bit older than me. I feel crushed.

My mother recently passed away, so I don’t know if she knew what was going on. The other woman and child knew all about us, though. Now my half-sister wants to make contact with me. I’m so confused emotionally. Why connect with me now? I don’t know what to do, if anything. Please advise me.

— Bombshell Victim, St. James

Dear Bombshell Victim: The adult “child” from the other family had no choice in that situation. Why not talk with her? What if you don’t make contact and spend the rest of your life with a head full of unanswered questions? Find out what’s what, even if you only have one visit together. Make a list of questions. You’ll at least have some answers in the end and you may even like your half-sister.

Also, some of your mom’s sisters or best friends may know about this other family, but were sworn to secrecy while your mother lived. Now, they may be free to talk to you. So, why not ask them, too?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found some gay magazines between the mattress and the box spring in my teenage son’s bedroom at the lake. I don’t know what to do. Should I confront him? Do you think he put them there for me to find them?

— Loving Mom, St. Boniface

Dear Upset: It’s unlikely your son wanted you to be looking between the mattress and the box spring to find his magazines. If you’ve had company sleep over, there’s also a small chance they may not be his.

You might mention to him you found some magazines when you were changing the bed, and wondered if they were his. Tell him it’s OK if they are, and let him say as little or as much as he wants to.

If he denies any knowledge of the magazines, go with that. You’re there to love him unconditionally, not to grill him. If he does want to talk, express your open and loving attitude toward him. For more help and information for both of you, contact Rainbow Resource Centre in Osborne Village (204-474-0212 or rainbowresourcecentre.org).

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband, who loves to celebrate everything, decided it was time for a big “welcome back” party after the pandemic eased up. We live on a beautiful acreage with a formal party area that’s been sitting empty for several years, so we invited our whole circle of friends and family back.

I prepared mountains of appetizers, and my husband put on a crazy T-shirt, and played bartender. He served from a cocktail menu of wild drinks he’d created himself. He was in his glory! Around midnight, I could see he was definitely drunk, and crashing around the bar. I warned him to stop, but he kept on. Finally, I yelled a choice insult at him, and ordered him to “Stop, or else!”

Then he yelled back “Or else what?” and tipped a big tray of my special appetizers right off the bar, onto the floor. They flew everywhere! The music man stopped the music, everybody stopped dancing, and people started leaving fast. Then it was silent — a horrible end.

My husband has never behaved like this before. But now, I’ve received some calls from concerned family and friends, worrying about my safety and asking what’s going on with him. He’s extremely embarrassed.

My man is not a drunk or a wife-beater and I’m not ordinarily a yeller. He just got crazy drunk from mixing his liquors, and we both lost our tempers. I’m not afraid of him, one bit. What can we say to our friends and family to let them know this was a once in a lifetime thing and will never happen again?

— Deeply Embarrassed, east of Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: A lot of people felt bottled up and frustrated during the worst years of COVID. Now, they’re coming out to social events again. Some are excited and emotional when they finally get to party, and they drink too much. That may have been part of the problem for you and your husband.

Get on the phone and talk to friends and family to let them know it is not an abusive marriage, and that neither of you are drinking foolishly beyond that party (if that’s the case). Also, seriously apologize to guests for the uncomfortable display that made them take off abruptly.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.