Enlist some help to protect sun-crazed hubby

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/07/2022 (1541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My 35-year-old husband has red hair with a fair complexion, but loves the sun! He plays beach sports with his friends without a shirt. He’s had some ferocious burns in recent years, and he had to see the doctor about two terrible ones last summer.

He got seriously warned about his high risk for skin cancer. Today he came home burned to a crisp again! I’m mad. I don’t feel sorry for him today, but I do feel sorry for myself and the kids. What can I do? I’m not there when he won’t keep his shirt on.

— Wife of a Redhead, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Wife of Redhead: He’s heard it from you and the doctor several times. Your best move now is to contact a couple of guys on the team and ask them to make him wear a shirt. Tell them what the doc said. Also, talk to pharmacist to find the best protection you can get. Volunteer to put it all over your husband’s body, with a little massage. How can he resist that?

And then, my friend, you’re going to have to relax. That means trusting you will be strong enough to cope if he does gets sick. We can’t always trust the people we love to keep themselves safe and be there forever. We can only trust in our own ability to cope and carry on with strength, whatever happens in life.

Taking that attitude reduces the fear and anxiety in our relationships with risk-taking people.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I haven’t been able to go to my favourite place on Earth for two summers. This year I said to my husband, “Enough! I’m making reservations at the hotel for this date, whether you come or not!” He didn’t appreciate the way I told him, and said he wasn’t coming. Stubborn man, but I am too.

When I arrived at the hotel alone, I was greeted like family. One particular staff member seemed attentive, and was so handsome. I felt like maybe he was flirting. I went out of my way to go to the front desk for things. I’m sure he noticed my lame excuses!

On my third day there, I asked if he’d like to go for a drink after his shift. He looked me straight in the eye and said quietly, “Sorry, we can’t date hotel guests… and aren’t you married anyway?” I felt my face going red with embarrassment. Now, I feel like the other staff probably knew what I was doing.

What’s the matter with me? He wasn’t flirting with me, after all; he was just smiling and doing his job. The more attentive, the more the tip, right? I’ve never, ever behaved like this before. What’s going on?

— Prize Winning Idiot, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Prize Winner: Your aggressive behaviour so far is getting you nothing you want.

The invitation to your husband to join you sounded like a threat, so it’s no wonder he didn’t jump up to pack his bags. The “invitation” to the hotel staffer was plain harassment. That man was hired to serve people like you, not to be a date when your husband wasn’t there.

Look, we’ve all been through a tough time with the pandemic and feel we’re entitled to a good time now, but that doesn’t mean we’re entitled to push people to provide us the good times.

You’d get a lot more attention by being fun, kind and charming. Time to shift your approach!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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