Hubby a bit too hopped up for swapping soirée

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/07/2022 (1540 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in partner of 10 years has been very randy of late and that’s OK, even though I’m thinking, “Where is this coming from?” We have a fun, carefree life, and we are open to a point. So far it has only been the two of us creating sex scenes from our own imaginations, but now there’s a big scary problem.

My man came home a week ago and asked me if I’d like to join him at a partner-swapping party. I was taken aback. I thought our sexual relationship was so good. I don’t want to open it up to other people, but he does. Maybe he already has? I’m suspicious.

I’m feeling pressure because I know how much he wants me to join him in doing it. But swapping partners could be risky to my physical health, and the potential for serious jealousy and hurt runs high for a sensitive woman like me. Please help me decide what to do.

— Shocked after 10 Years, Bridgwater

Dear Shocked: Look your guy straight in the eye, and ask him bluntly if he’s already doing it. There’s a good chance he’s done more than just scouting, as he’s so hopped up on it and has connections ready to go.

Don’t let him coerce you into sexual behaviour you don’t want to engage in. While you’re an adventurous lover within the privacy of your relationship, you obviously don’t want this sexual adventure with other people. If he’s intent on partner-swapping, with or without you, then your relationship with him won’t stay the same.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a very angry man who has been left — through no fault of my own. My live-in woman decided someone else was a better choice than me and the life of ease and opportunity I gave her.

She didn’t have a job when I met her — she was staying with some of my wealthy friends. She confessed to me shortly after we met and started dating that her great desire was to be a stay-at-home wife who could develop her art. She’s a painter and has a real flair, and a bright future if she wants it.

I thought she’d be all set if she could just get enough paintings done to do shows and sell her art. She’s also a great cook and homemaker, so I too quickly invited her to move in as my live-in girlfriend. The sex was good and the deal was all-round good for me. Or so I thought.

I set up a home office for her and bought her a brand new computer to help with her developing art business. It had all the bells and whistles, and she loved it. I thought we were off to a great start.

Then, just two months later, I came home one evening to a note saying she went on a trip “to see her sister in the U.S. who was sick” and only to call her by cellphone, so as not to disturb her sister. Huh? That sounded fishy to me. I called her sister, who was not sick. My woman had not arrived there, and had never even said she was coming.

I was frozen — couldn’t speak — and started calling her cellphone endlessly. She didn’t pick up. When she finally came home five days later, she started packing and told me: “Thanks for everything, but our relationship is over and I’m moving.” Then she added, “I’m doing this for myself.”

Bottom line? She had another man in the States she’d recently met online — on the computer I bought her. I never saw this coming. I never knew our relationship was in any trouble. This same thought keeps repeating in my head: “I’d never have thought buying a computer would end my relationship!”

It’s been many months and I’m still freaking out — very angry. How do I make sense of this?

— Broken-hearted and Bitter, Winnipeg

Dear Broken-hearted: That fancy computer didn’t cause the problem. It was her character. She glommed onto you, used you, then found someone new and went on her merry way — to use him. You can bet she isn’t painting to make a living herself either, although she may have given the new guy the same old story.

When she said she was breaking up with you to do something “for herself,” she was simply going to do more of what she has likely always done — use people. Now she’s using a guy in the U.S. to further her art career — or pretending to do so.

Many wealthy people run into a scammer at some point, as these users are on the lookout for them. Don’t let her make you bitter for life, or you won’t be able to find the love and happiness you deserve. It’s time to write this scam artist off as a bad business deal, and stop letting her poison your mind.

You need to find a different type altogether — a proud, successful woman with an established career she truly loves. When you offer to do something out-sized for her, she’ll say, “Thanks, but I’ll do it on my own. I only want you for you!”

Don’t waste any more time being jealous of the man she moved to be with in U.S. He won’t last beyond his usefulness to her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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