Best to leave ruined reunion in the rearview

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 31/07/2022 (1525 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The girl crew I hung around with in high school was a lot of fun. Some of us still know each other, and decided to have a get-together at a rented cottage. One classmate reached out and organized the rental and the Saturday drop-in gathering — spouses and boyfriends were all welcome.

I was really looking forward to going and reconnecting. My husband was happy to accompany me, and was interested in meeting my crazy old friends. The weekend started off on a high note, but shortly started to deteriorate. The organizer has an alcohol problem, as it turns out, and was hitting on some of the men.

My husband was disgusted when she started hitting on him. He said, “We’re getting out of this place!” I was so relieved. We left in a hurry.

Well, I received an angry message from the inebriated organizer two days later. She said that after my husband and I left, the others did too, and that I ruined her weekend reunion! I didn’t respond, I just hung up. My husband said I should call her back and let her have it. I just don’t want any contact. Does anything need to be said?

— Speechless, north Winnipeg

Dear Speechless: Don’t send anything in writing that could be passed around. You might phone the organizer and tell her how you felt about the weekend and her behaviour. However, only do that if it’ll make you feel better. You can bet she hasn’t learned anything from this experience, as she’s certainly not taking any responsibility.

It’s not likely there will be a repeat reunion, so you should just let this go. Give it time and then get in touch for coffees or lunches with anybody you really wanted to see again from the party.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m involved with a beautiful person at work. We’re both female, married and sick of our partners. Due to the nature of our work, and the fact we’re both women, we’ve managed to keep our affair a secret without issue.

It worked for both of us until her kids left the nest — and then it didn’t. She’s become far more pushy with me lately, and is talking about leaving her husband so the two of us can start a life together. I can’t do that — at least not now. I have teenagers, while her kids are well out of the nest.

My kids would be devastated if I was to divorce their father, and then come out of the closet with a female partner.

How can I keep a lid on this mess? I know my girlfriend is in love with me, and while I feel the same, I just can’t abandon my family life. What can I do? I keep telling her that if she’d just wait until my kids are up and gone, maybe something could happen.

She’s not buying the idea and she’s about to leave her husband. Help please!

— Pulled Two Ways, west Winnipeg

Dear Pulled: You’re understandably pulled by loyalty to your children and their usual home life. Your lover passed that stage recently. She’s able to free herself from her kids now, and isn’t looking for more years of dithering.

If she breaks up with her husband, she’s going to want to come out and live her life honestly, and she probably wants to live it with you. While you may have wanted the affair with her, do you really want to break the marriage off with your husband now and possibly lose the kids to his primary care, should they choose it?

First move: look for a different job that doesn’t depend on your affair going well. Secondly, talk this complicated situation out in sessions with an open-minded counsellor. Then, figure out what you want with this woman you think you love. And finally, pin her down on how long she’s willing to wait. Time is a big issue here, as she’s excited to start a new life — but maybe it’s not right for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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