You like what you like; that’s the long and short of it

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This article was published 05/08/2022 (1471 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m one of those short women who prefers to date men over six feet tall. We get a lot of criticism from men on social media, places like Reddit especially. I can’t help it if I’m just attracted to taller men, and I don’t think that it’s wrong. What are your thoughts?

—Short Girl, Tall Guys, Feels Great! Crescentwood

Dear Feels Great: The men who are whining about short women preferring tall men are acting in a very small-minded way. A man with a big personality, big sense of humour, big interests and a big love of life feels fine with his height, whatever it is.

That kind of guy is a winner and wouldn’t have time to whine about certain short women not wanting him. In fact, his girlfriend might be taller than he is, and they’re both fine with it!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How do you get over the loss of someone you loved, and still love, but has died? My husband passed away three years ago. At first, my friends and family listened as I cried my heart out. They even cried along with me.

Now, three years later, I have one “close” friend, who has recently told friends of mine that I “just need to get over it!”

I want to speak to her about her heartless comment. All I keep thinking about is how lucky she is to not have felt my pain! Should I speak to her, or just let her go?

— So Disappointed in “Friend,” Winnipeg Beach

Dear Disappointed: Her comment was not coming from a minor wound, just as your husband’s death was not a minor wound for you.

You have to wonder why this old friend passed this hurtful comment along? Was it to let you know she is not really your friend? That may not be true! You may have “died” in her life, and she is hurt and angry.

Your friend cried along with you in the beginning, not because she missed the man who died as deeply as you did. She cried because she felt your pain and was terribly sad for you — and then she lost you to what seems like permanent grief.

She’s frustrated because she wants you back the way you were before mourning became your way of life. Some people mourn a loved one “actively” for a few months or a few years, and others devote themselves to it for a whole lifetime.

You lost your husband and she has lost you, simple as that. Yet, there you are — she can see you still alive — but still not enjoying life with friends like her, who are still here on this earthly plane. Consider how long you want to mourn in this deep stage, where no one else can get in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m being chased by a woman I’m not attracted to, and all my friends keep telling me to “just go for it.” She is nice enough, but I’m just not attracted to her, and quite frankly I think that should be enough for people.

Instead, I hear about how I’ve been single forever and to “just date her and get out there.” I don’t think I should “just” do anything! So how do I set some boundaries with these people without making them mad, or having them think I’m asexual?

— Not Into Dating ‘Just Anybody,’ Garden City

Dear Not Into Just Anybody: People whose message is “just go out with her, she’s better than nothing” should not be your friends any longer. Women you’d actually like are not going to want to come near your group.

You’ll find better quality women — with winning personalities that really attract and intrigue you — only after you split with this gang.

Easier said than done? Yes, it takes effort, and it can be a bit lonely at first, but if you follow your real interests — sports, arts, learning, even charity work — and get enthusiastically involved — you will meet like-minded people. Those will be people you admire and are physically attracted to, and it will happen sooner than you think.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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