Lay your cards on the table over mom’s visit

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This article was published 31/08/2022 (1497 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother wants to make her annual fall visit from northern Manitoba, and already my blood pressure is rising. She is an argumentative woman, and a big gambler.

Last time she was here I estimated she lost $500 at the machines, because that’s all she had when she arrived. She was trying to borrow more money off my wife — a real softy — to go to the casinos again last night. I caught her, and said, “No way, Mom!”

She knows enough not to ask her oldest son for gambling money.

She just announced she wants to come again in mid-September and I don’t want her here if she’s gambling. It brings back bad memories! What can I say to my mother?

— Worried Son of a Gambler, Windsor Park

Dear Worried: Say this in a phone call: “Mom, we’d love to have you here for a weekend, but not if you’re gambling. Why don’t you just come and have a fun visit doing other things with us?” That gives her the option to say no to you, on some quick excuse, without creating a lasting rift in the family.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m considering un-marrying my young husband. Not a divorce exactly — because I do love him and want him in my life — but I’m beginning to hate being married to him. He’s a fun guy and an enthusiastic lover, but a terrible husband. He’s a total slob. He’s lazy at everything except his job — where they love him, by the way. Get this for lazy: he will actually buy a package of new T-shirts every two weeks instead of washing any. Also, he doesn’t shower much anymore except for work.

He never cooks and prefers to bring home hamburgers and junk food. I do all the healthy cooking, washing and cleaning. Now, when I do that for us both, I’m muttering resentments. To be fair, I should tell you we both have well-paying jobs and can easily afford take-out.

He thinks he’s got me for life. OK, I know I married a playmate. But, I thought he’d grow up with marriage but still be a lot of fun. He hasn’t matured, In fact he’s regressed. I’m 34, and older than him by five years and don’t have time to waste if I want any kids. I recently dragged him to marriage counselling about all this, and it didn’t make any difference. He said the counsellor was “out to lunch.” Should I un-marry him and just date him?

— Peter Pan’s Unhappy Wife, St. Vital

Dear Unhappy: Like Peter Pan, you need to grow up in your thinking. You can’t divorce your young husband and expect him to stay around as your playmate and lover. He’ll be hurt and embarrassed, and quickly gone from your life — to look for a new love who’s carefree and at the same level of domestic maturity as he is.

The sad part? You still love this man. What if you stayed? With your double incomes, the two of you could hire a house cleaner and you could remain the cook, which is a little more fun. As for having babies, a playful father can be a great dad, and you’ll probably see this man finally mature, for his kids.

You’d really need to keep your job more than part-time in order to maintain the domestic help you’ll want and need in this setup. The danger here? If you keep talking down to him he will leave.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a medium-height, heavier guy with muscles — no other way to say it. I like being big. If I were the “right” weight for my height, no one would listen to me at my work, which involves physical labour. I’m the boss now, and I look like it.

My wife has decided I need to lose weight to preserve my health. She says she loves me and wants to keep me alive and “healthy.” By that, she means alive and sexual! We’re both sex crazy, but she doesn’t look so hot now. She was a much bigger girl before her recent diet (50 pounds off now) and I preferred her former “voluptuousness.” She looks tired and saggy lately. I can’t say those words to her, or it’d hurt her. Got any ideas for us?

— Loved her Bigger Body, St. Boniface

Dear Loved: Your wife may have needed to lose that weight to be healthier, so button your lip on that topic. Walking, as well as lifting weights could help her get her muscle tone back, and it’d be good for your body, too. Hold hands and go strolling in the evenings with her this fall. Aerobic exercise stirs up desire, and you’ll both develop amazing stamina that’ll promote a long-lasting sex life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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