Chalk romantic shock up as learning moment

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/09/2022 (1494 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a 50-ish sales rep at my hotel in Mexico this summer. He was by himself — no ring, very polite, hilariously funny — my kind of guy. We spent six days together, before he had to go home to the United States. We were living “la vida loca” — making love, going to little clubs and restaurants, having crazy times. We were enjoying each other immensely.

We said goodbye the night before he left for his home city, and my heart was suddenly breaking. He didn’t mention getting together again, so I didn’t say anything either. The next morning, I got up early and spotted him in the lobby waiting to get into a cab to the airport. I saw his hand go to pick up his suitcase, and he was wearing a wedding band!

I already suspected he was married, but we never talked about it the whole time we were together. He saw me staring at his hand, and shrugged, as if to say, “Sorry, babe! What can I do?” So cool about it — lots of practice, I’d bet. I was suddenly furious at myself for getting into a holiday affair with a cheater.

But still, I can’t stop thinking about him, and all the romantic things we said and did. When I’m crying about him, I want to phone and ask him, “Why did you pick on me?” I do know his cell number. Should I call?

— Dying of Curiosity, Hurt and Sadness, Sage Creek

Dear Dying: It might help to know more about him and his situation, but more likely it will just hurt you worse. His defence will be you knew the score, and got together with him anyway — fair enough. He may also tell you abruptly he doesn’t need to discuss his wife and marriage with you!

He may actually love her, and cheat for fun on the side.

He enjoyed your time together, and this guy travels a lot, so cheating while he’s far away may be preferable to loneliness in his book. It may be “an allowable treat.”

Nothing good will come of calling to berate him. File this guy under “secret travel experience” and let it go. You won’t get much sympathy if you complain about him to sisters or girlfriends.

Next time you travel solo, pick on a younger guy who seems single, and then ask him outright if he is. Most attractive, intelligent guys will tell the truth if you ask them. Why? Because they are looking for another player!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sleeping and working at the cabin has restored this country boy’s soul. My wife can’t wait to get back into the swing of things with all her friends and activities in the city. I don’t know how to tell her, but I’m not the same guy I was before COVID hit. However, I am the same guy I was when I lived in rural Manitoba — years before she ever laid eyes on me.

Who knew? I’ve done pretty well in the city. I even fooled myself that I was happy! How do I tell her I don’t want city life anymore, and I crave wildlife, trees, greenery and clean air — not to mention birdsong and animals?

— Bad News Bearer, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Bad News: How about a compromise? Consider moving to the very edge of Winnipeg, to an area like Charleswood, for example. You’ll be so close to the bush deer will be standing in your backyard! And, in five minutes you can be hiking trails in the nature.

So, why not look at a map, and pinpoint some attractive outlying areas like that? Talk to your wife about making life great for both of you all year round. So what if you have to buy a smaller house — you already have a cabin at the lake in the summer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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