Secondhand info on snub will have to suffice

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This article was published 05/09/2022 (1446 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend told me last-minute she was going away for an end-of-summer “girls’ weekend” with her best buddies. I asked her which of the girls were going. She hesitated, and then threw out a few names.

On that same weekend, I stumbled into two of her best friends at a different beach on the other side of the lake, where my friends and I had gone. When I asked them about my girlfriend and the girls’ weekend, they look confused. Then they panicked and made some lame excuses, and took off in a hurry.

I was shocked and upset. I left my buddies at the beach, and drove straight back to the city. I called my girl’s cell, all the way in. She wouldn’t answer her phone then, and still hasn’t talked to me yet! I’ll bet her girlfriends warned her five seconds after they got away from me.

I don’t still know what exactly is going on. Do I still love my girlfriend? Not anymore. Should I go over and bang on her door and try to get her to talk, or just walk away? I need to know what’s happening. It’s driving me crazy and I can’t sleep.

— Jerked Around, West Kildonan

Dear Jerked: Bottom line? The relationship with this girl is a write-off, and she’s scared of you. Having a final chat can only happen on the phone, if it happens at all. So, settle for a phone call, if you can get through. Also, text her, though that might not work either. Sometimes — no matter how upset and angry you are — you just have to walk away shaking your head.

In your case, you might learn more if you talked to a friend of hers, who likes you and is sympathetic to you. There are usually traitors in every group. Know this much: A discussion isn’t going to get the relationship back, given the loss of trust and the level of hurt and anger you feel, but it might clear up a few questions. If you can’t find out what’s going on, and she’s seeing a guy she sticks with for some time, you’ll find out soon enough. People love to report that kind of information back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My upstairs neighbour is a wannabe opera singer. I wouldn’t mind if she sang in the daytime, but, oh no, I couldn’t be that lucky. I got the summer off, because she didn’t have classes. But now, with her singing classes starting again soon, she’s started practising. She’s into singing classical music — the high soprano stuff.

She gets going around 9 p.m. with vocal exercises. That’s just before I need to go to sleep. She accompanies herself on the piano, but it doesn’t drown her voice out. It was so awful last night I wanted to throw myself off the balcony.

I complained to her once, and I strongly suggested she rent a practice room, somewhere. I know they have them at universities and college, and places that teach music. But, forget that. She got tears in her eyes and said, “I have to practice and I can’t afford to rent anywhere else,” so I backed off.

I’m not a mean man, but I need to sleep because my job starts very early in the morning. I don’t know what else to do!

— Tearing My Hair Out, Wolseley

Dear Tearing Hair: Look at solving this problem the same way you’d deal with a partner’s loud snoring. There are many new gadgets that address any loud noises — including industrial-grade earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones and white noise machines. One machine offered online has 16 different sound options you can dial up according to your whim, including white noise, nature recordings and soothing sleep songs. They don’t mention “freight train,” but another brand might!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom and her younger boyfriend are seriously annoying me. He’s 22 and she’s 35. She had me when she was only 17, and we both lived with her parents, until recently when she got a real career going, and some money in the bank. I’m totally happy living with my grand-parents. They treat me with love and respect.

Finally, this summer, Mom moved out so she could have a normal social life for a person her age. That was just fine. But now, she has this younger boyfriend she wants me to accept as if he’s a man her age. As what? Some kind of parent figure like her? No way!

I’m now 17 — the same age she was when she got pregnant with me. I’ll live with my grandparents for a few more years. My mom stopped feeling like my parent, when she moved out and started dating a young guy. What should I say to her?

— Five Years Younger than Him, River Heights

Dear Five Years Younger: Tell Mom what you just cannot bring yourself to do — think of her young guy as any type of parent figure. Then add that you can be polite, but that you won’t play the “family” game with him, even if she marries him. Let her think about that. It’s part of the price she pays for taking on a boyfriend so close to her son’s age.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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