Best to rise above bitter missive from romantic past

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/10/2022 (1405 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got something nasty in the mail. At first, I was excited, as it looked like a personal letter, not a bill. I opened the bigger envelope and it was enclosing another open envelope with a “Dear John” letter in it. it was from me to an old boyfriend!

It’s almost two decades old, and pretty tattered looking. Scrawled on the envelope in red ink was, “Thought you might want to reconsider this.” I read the letter. In it, the younger me had told this guy he was “lazy and a loser, and would never amount to anything!” Apparently, he thought the same of me and we’d been fighting on the phone between Winnipeg and Vancouver around that time.

We are both quite successful and well-known now, in the same creative fields we were just starting off in then.

So now what? Why did he send this stupid thing? Does he want an apology? He’s not going to get one! What should I do? He’s hardly a loser now, and neither am I.

— Bad Blood Returning, St. Boniface

Dear Bad Blood: No apology is necessary, but it’s time somebody took the high road. Write this old ex back and say, “Looks like we both turned out well! Congratulations to both of us, and good luck to you in the future.“ Then, leave it at that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Hi! I heartily agree with the sentiments expressed by “Old Guy,” concerning spontaneous gifts of flowers.

For many years, I’ve made it a practice to give NOGs (no-occasion gifts). It doesn’t have to be flowers. It could be chocolates, like the macaroons one of my daughters-in-law likes. It could be a specialized tool set for a handy person or a useful utensil for someone who likes to cook. It could be even asparagus when it’s out of season and expensive — if they love asparagus. It’s a gesture that tells someone you really love and appreciate them.

— A Really Old Guy, Manitoba

Dear Really Old Guy: No-occasion gifts are so thoughtful and the surprise feeling makes them even more so. I also believe in giving IOGs (important-occasion gifts), like on birthdays and anniversaries and at other important times when you would never want people to feel forgotten. That may seem like a lot of gift-giving in a year, but they don’t have to be big and expensive presents. And what nicer way to spend extra money and time?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new neighbour is really hot-looking. I watched her move in, with all her friends helping. She caught me watching everybody from my backyard as they loaded her in, and she waved a very big wave at me. Does that mean she wants to get to know me, or was it a sarcastic wave, because I was gawking at them?

— Back Neighbour, River Heights

Dear Neighbour: Take it positively. Chat to the new person in your back lane, and welcome her to the neighbourhood. Be friendly and casual, don’t ask snoopy questions. Regular greetings and casual waves may lead to more substantial conversation with her one day, but don’t push it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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